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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:28 pm

cthia
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Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two with but two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same
A sickening silence fell on the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor—mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall—mighty Honor struck them out.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:37 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

I hope pokermind is ok too. The last I heard from him was in a PM on June 6, 2017. I don't think he'd mind my sharing this ...

pokermind wrote:Been away for a while on the Destroyermen Wiki and Fan group on Face Book. Saw this pic and thought perfect for humor


Thanks for keeping humor alive I needed a break.

Poker :D


P.S. I hope he's simply suffering from side-splititis. We all wish him well. I'm glad you asked about him.

The image is no longer valid.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jul 27, 2020 9:08 pm

cthia
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Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversations between Captain and First Officer

"Before you ask, I read your file. And no, I'm not buying that deathly sick kid at home act you give all of your COs. You're going to roll the dice like the rest of us during these acceptance trials. What are you anyway, a chicken?"

"Yes sir, and I don't want my eggs cracked."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Aug 01, 2020 8:03 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversations aboard a Dispatch Boat

"Stop playing around! She's gaining on us!"

"I'm doing the best I can!"

"What do you mean, this is a Dispatch Boat! That's a fucking Super Dreadnaught! GET THE LEAD OUT!"

"The lead IS out you idiot! That's Harrington's personal yacht courtesy of the GA! And they pimped her out!"

"Harrington?"

"Her yacht you idiot! What are you doing now!?"

"We need to go faster! She's gaining on us!"

"Rocking like a baby isn't going to make it happen."

"Perhaps if we lose some dead weight."

"You may have a point!"

"Wait, where are you taking me!?... You're not going to!"

"I told you all that excess weight would kill you some day!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun Aug 02, 2020 6:05 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversations aboard HMS Warlock


"Get the lead out! Take the interlocks off!"

"Why should we? We're running away!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Aug 08, 2020 7:31 am

cthia
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Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Part of Nimitz' conversation during a recent interview


<I'm still asked about my actions when the Brotherhood crashed the party. I should have made it a lot worse, then maybe I wouldn't have been injured. I only attacked at 80 % military power>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Aug 19, 2020 8:41 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversations inside the Onion
A very short time after the nanite's first trial run. The subjects were simply a testbed and were never meant to be released into the wild. Where have we heard that one before.


"What the f*** just happened?!"

"We had a successful trial run is what happened."

"You call all of these dead bodies a success?"

"Relax, I was a bit too cavalier with the programming. 'Upon activation, kill all assholes.' Obviously the smell of onion is the trigger."

"Why is that one being held in custody?"

"He was given a placebo."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Sep 03, 2020 6:16 am

cthia
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Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversations between Honor and Nimitz
Some time after she is compromised in the Sol System.


"Where are you going, Nimitz?"

<To see your father! I've got to know more about that damn reactor you two share. You frightened me Honor! You were foaming at the mind!>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Fri Sep 18, 2020 6:51 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Conversation between Honor and Hamish


"Nimitz' idea of a wormhole assault has something to do with bending Pavel Young over."

" :lol: :lol: :lol: . . ."

"It isn't funny Hamish. I can't unsee the vivid images he sent me. I couldn't locate a single one of his limbs."

"Well :lol: you do :lol: call him :lol: Stinker. :lol: "

"Hamish!"

"Oh come on Honor! Did Nimitz have a shit eating grin on his face? :lol: "

"You get one more Hamish!"

"In that case, did you at least warn Nimitz that sending all six of his limbs thru the wormhole at once shuts it down for hours! :lol: On end? :lol: "

" :lol: Darn you Hamish :lol: "

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Sep 24, 2020 8:40 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12842
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

What do you call a Memory Singer with Alzheimer's?


A broken record.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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