cthia wrote:SWM wrote:That might be your reaction, but I assure that a lot of people in the world would disagree with you. Some people really want only one child, or one child at a time. When you combine that with the knowledge that you have more than a hundred years of fertility, and a health care system that ensure almost all children reach adulthood, and a thousand years of social changes which separates sex from reproduction, it is even less surprising.
Take a look at the average number of children in middle-class American families, especially children born to second or third generation Americans.
Yes of course. But most people in the world don't love each other like me and my Amy does and those two Harringtons. I'm just
personally surprised that those two, specifically, didn't want a sibling companion for Honor, out of love and concern for Honor and not for any other concerns that could be deemed self-centered and narrow minded. Even Honor questioned it. I've met many lonely onlies and though they may have been showered with love as was Honor... they were indeed lonely. Look at Honor, she sought companionship from a cat, and hadn't it been for Michelle would have had no friends - possibly because she didn't learn to get along with others and share her toys as a child. lol
SWM wrote:And I've met many perfectly happy onlies, and many absolutely miserable siblings.
So too have I. Happy, but grew up self-admittedly lonely. My best friend was an only and very loved but he always said he felt very lonely in a huge mansion all alone. He always talked about not having an older brother to learn things from. Said that the quiet in his house was frightening as a kid. He didn't have a brother or sister to run to when things went bump in the night, and parents have boundaries at night. He didn't have sisters to learn dating tips from. I certainly understand that because my sisters taught me a wealth of lessons about how to behave. And the entire liveliness in a household like my own always made him envious and made me guilty. My sisters would offer to donate some of their brothers to him and we'd do the same, jokingly. But inside we felt a bit of sympathy for him. He was happy. He was loved. He was lonely. One of my sisters experienced the same thing with a friend of hers. That friend now has five kids - says she won't do what her parents did. She said she was very happy but lonely.
I have one daughter. I love my wife, but we never wanted more than one. Are you saying that we are causing harm by not giving our daughter a sibling? My daughter disagrees. She's seen her friends complaining and arguing with their siblings.
That's exactly what I am saying, from my experience. NO, I do not think you are meaning to cause her harm. Nor do I think you think that you are causing her harm. But. Siblings learn a lot from each other and get a lot in return from each other. The term "harm" has levels.
And perhaps your daughter can't really assess the merits of having siblings if she doesn't. What happens with the Kardashians across the street is totally irrelevant to how SWM would raise several kids, thus life under your roof. Only the love that your daughter would feel with siblings in
your family is what matters.
For that matter, I had a brother and a sister. But I always had difficulty making friends, and ended up a fairly typical asocial nerd by the time I was in college. Presence of siblings or lack thereof has little to do with a happy childhood, in my experience.
Of course it doesn't, but by the same token, are you blaming the presence of siblings on the problems you had? Though I'm very sorry you had those problems.
As for Honor, she did not seek companionship from a cat. She happened to get a cat. And I don't think her lack of numerous friends had anything to do with being an only--it had to do with her treecat. The empathic powers of the treecat (probably combined with her own nascent empathic power) gave her even more fulfillment than human companionship could. Ordinary friendships can seem dull after that, so she started unconsciously avoiding them. I think Honor would have been a perfectly happy and well-rounded individual even without a treecat.
Agreed. That was a stretch. IIRC, textev even stated that Honor pretty much had to.
Please. Don't be offended or twist what I am ultimately trying to say. Humans are not puppies yet many of us try to keep at least two of a litter if we can, for companionship. Humans have the same need for socialization. I read somewhere that in my parent's days the sentiment was at least two kids to prevent the lonely only. The same reading stated that the modern day consideration of finances, freedom, privacy etc. fuels the decision. And that's self-centered in my book. Certainly it doesn't apply to everyone's consideration, but yea.
A sibling isn't just a sibling but also a friend. If it isn't I question the parents first.
These are just my opinions and WON'T be shared by all.
I was on the debate team and learned to argue both sides. So to be fair, I don't really know how I would have liked being an only. I simply know how much I adore each and every one of my siblings and shudder if all of the memories never would have been.
Now, I fully understand certain insurmountable circumstances dictating the decision to only have one child, like being able to afford to feed and properly care for them - but barring that...
Oh, I've also met onlies that didn't realize what they were missing until they got older - when the parents are no longer living and an only can feel really lonely.
