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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Join us in talking discussing all things Honor, including (but not limited to) tactics, favorite characters, and book discussions.
Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:04 pm

cthia
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Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost and slight edit . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two, with two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor—mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall—mighty Honor struck them out.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:26 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

MAD-4A wrote:
cthia wrote:What exactly are "snotties" who haven't yet graduated, but have survived a battle aboard ship? Boogers?

So, if they don't survive they are a loogie?

:lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:42 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Vandals alter Pavel Young's headstone


Here lies a man who didn't get his wish to lay, then rest, with Honor.

Instead, he was laid to rest by Honor.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by MAD-4A   » Wed May 05, 2021 3:15 am

MAD-4A
Captain of the List

Posts: 719
Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2014 4:48 pm
Location: Texas

cthia wrote:Vandals alter Pavel Young's headstone


Here lies a man who didn't get his wish to lay, then rest, with Honor.

Instead, he was laid to rest by Honor.


maybe: "...laid to rest in pieces by Honor."
(or too much?)
.
-
Almost only counts in Horseshoes and Nuclear Weapons. I almost got the Hand-Grenade out the window does not count.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue May 18, 2021 9:26 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

MA Style Prank

Eight Treecats were picked to showcase cutting edge technologies in the latest breakthroughs in personal thrusters used by cats in Zero-G. The MA managed to embed code that turned the Cats into forty-eight P-38s spinning wildly out of control at 3600 rpms.

That turned cutting-edge technology into bleeding-edge technology. The MA turned the Cats into instant Cuisinarts.

The event was like seeing a children's book in motion ...

See all the pussies trying to run in Zero-G!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon May 24, 2021 11:37 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Somewhere in the Darius System


"PROXIMITY ALERT! PROXIMITY ALERT! SHIP DETECTED!"

"FIRE GRASERS NOW!"

"Relax Captain! He's one of ours!"

"WHAA—?"

"It's a Spider sir!"

"That SOB better stop sneaking up on people! Somebody is going to blow his ass right out from under him! He knows we're all a bunch of paranoid basket cases! He almost gave me a fucking heart attack!"

"He's pretty damn good isn't he Captain?"

"No denying that. He can sneak up on a skunk and steal his stink!"

"He hasn't stolen your stink yet. Is that shit I smell in your pants?" :D


Spiders are stealthy even to their own ships. They're not in the habit of broadcasting a transponder, so, emergency defensive systems cannot tell what the hell has just snuck-up on them. :lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Jun 16, 2021 11:50 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

How do you hail a slave ship?

Ship Ahoe! Ship Ahoe!



****** *


The Galaxy's dumbest slavers


"I can't believe Honor let those slavers go. Every single one of them are on her shit list! I never thought she'd mellow out this much."

"She didn't."

"What do you mean? She promised them a life pod!

"Yes she did. But we're in hyper. Dumb asses. It's the closest their grey matter will ever get to the Alpha band."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Jun 16, 2021 12:12 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Indiana's best friend

"Hey Indy, I hear you're finally dating that hot Grayson number?"

"Yes as a matter of fact I am."

"You dirty dog. :D There must be a lot of late night sleepwalking."

"Not really. I can't sneak into her boudoir with fifteen Armsmen always around. They give a new meaning to 'sleeping on the job.'"

"There aren't fifteen Armsmen."

"How can you tell? You can never get close enough to count them."

...


"The two of you are practicing safe sex aren't you?"

"I leave that up to her."

" Leave it up to her!? You can't leave something that important all up to her!"

"Wanna bet! Those henchmen search me every night! I rather they find a pulser than a box of condoms!"

" :o Probably not! :lol: Wait ... box? You dirty dog! :lol:"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jun 28, 2021 2:51 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The Alpha Launch

"So this Grand Alliance is fond of Alpha launches. It is time to activate the nanites to push their Dead Man's Switch and waste all of those system pods on thin air. Filareta didn't teach them anything about a real "Alpha launch."

"Colin likes to call it an Alpha lunch. But today it is just a snack."

****** *

Honorverse Cereal Commercial

"Look kids, this man is from San Martin. He ate all of his Wheaties, vegetables, and every damn thing else that was put on his plate."

" :o "

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun Aug 15, 2021 1:28 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13537
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

What is the best laxative for an Alpha?

Put a gun to his head and say, "You will die if you talk and you will die if you don't. What do you do?"

O... shit! That's disgusting!

****** *

Albrecht Detweiler died trying to reproduce Harry Houdini's escape under water.

****** *

Long range communication

"Why won't they respond to our hails mam?"

"They can't afford to have us ask them any questions."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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