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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Join us in talking discussing all things Honor, including (but not limited to) tactics, favorite characters, and book discussions.
Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 02, 2021 6:58 am

cthia
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Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

One day during inventory


"Why have we ordered so many fucking lightbulbs!"

"We had to sir. At one point we were going thru them like a hot knife thru butter!"

"Why?"

"Pavel Young! We were constantly replacing his "running" lights!"

****** *

Back at the Palace

"What's wrong Beth?"

"Look at this mess! At one point I couldn't get a response to a single piece of correspondence from the SL. Now it seems like every single man woman and child sends me letters!!! And they're all scented!"

"What's the scent, love? Fear?"

"LOL ... I suppose. Honor gave the entire system an earful. But these letters address me in every manner imaginable. 'Your Highness'. 'Your Queenness'. 'Your Bethness'. I even got a 'Your Royalness'."

"Well, be thankful there's no 'Your Mousety!' my love."

"Oh for crying out loud!"

"Which you've been doing ever since you got wind of that."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 02, 2021 8:53 am

cthia
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Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Now I can get back to my book. Company gone.

Anyway, my sister was complaining about the cost of a book of stamps nowadays. My niece turned to me and says ...

"What do you suppose postage cost in the HV?"

" :o Yep, correspondence from Manticore to the SL has to cost an arm and a leg."

"It cost a lot of arms and a lot of legs because they didn't reply."

" :lol: :lol: "


"The Mandarins ended up kissing Honor's ass. It would have been a lot cheaper simply to lick a frickin' stamp."

" :lol: :lol: "



.
Last edited by cthia on Tue Nov 02, 2021 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 02, 2021 12:56 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Hamish broke a flywheel on Beth's Yacht

The MA is seriously rethinking the Streak Drive after it found out it is no faster than a Manticoran ship with ALL of its safety interlocks removed.

Hamish blew past two Streak Boats on the way to Sol to intercept Honor. Honor would have blown up everything that moved. And everything that wasn't moving, so it wouldn't move.

****** *

Report: The smallest possible skeleton crew aboard an SD

1. Honor on Bridge AND Tactical
2. Someone in Engineering to feed the Manty reactor
3. A cook to feed the Sphinxian reactor

Three.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Nov 02, 2021 6:04 pm

cthia
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Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Loaded for Gorilla

Honor rolled pods from Manticore to Sol.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Nov 04, 2021 5:38 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Déjà Vu

A very horny prisoner sent correspondence to each of the Mandarins that contained, among other things, a thinly veiled threat. Should they respond this time?



What is the moral of this story?

The Mandarins consistently taunted a vicious beast on a leash. Then the beast was bitten by a malignant animal, broke free, and followed the scent to Sol.


****** *


Timestamp

From voice recordings on the bridge, the incoherent mutterings of the Salamander when she attacked Sol has now been deciphered ...

"This enemy needs an enema."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Nov 13, 2021 8:50 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Declassified

Why do Apollo launches use broods of 8 missiles?

Because 8-bits will take a byte out of crime.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Nov 17, 2021 8:13 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

A Treecat's enemy

A loud crash was heard in the Palace.

"What on Earth is the meaning of this Monroe?!"

<You said I can start stuffing and mounting my grudges on the wall>

"That is a hexapuma!"

<Yes, Beth. I finally found that B-O-S>

"Don't you mean SOB?"

<No. She is the bitch of sons>


The Mandarin's pardon

Beowulf offered the Mandarins a pardon. When they arrived on Beowulf, they asked ...

"Is it true we will get a pardon?"

"Yes! Pardon the pun. Now you will spend time in OUR jail."


The WOPR

Terrorists hacked into the WOPR to analyze a fight with Saburo X.

"The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of spades, or tiddlywinks?"


****** *


When you are part of the Alignment you are married for life. But before the marriage there comes the Engagement.


****** *


"Why do they call the Ballroom assassins strikers?"

"I heard it comes from an old Terran game called bowling. When you get 'em all, it's called a strike."

"And if you miss one?"

"Then you pick up the spare."


****** *


The Alignment taunts Honor in mid battle

"Harrington, you are a lost Alpha line!"

"No, I've got religion now. I was lost, but now I'm found."


****** *


The Ballroom attempts to take new warmongers on a night out dancing to celebrate their membership

"No! We mean actually dancing."

"No no no people we mean cuttin' a rug not cuttin' a throat."

"Listen, I'm talking about a real dance. Like a waltz."

"No no no. Not Saburo X waltzing in and killing everybody!"

"We're talking about a real dance. Like a tango."

"No no no no no people, I don't mean tangling with Jeremy."

"We don't understand. What do you mean?"

"We are talking about a real Latin dance like a Cha-cha. It is based on a rhythmic pattern and a quick three-step."

"See? That's just like Jeremy!"

"Oh for crying out loud. Let's stick to a Rumba. What? Oh for chrissake, let's just go home."

"For Chrissake? Wait, are we Christians? Because I'm here to tell you, I've done some things. I can't afford to have holy water doused all over me!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Nov 22, 2021 7:10 am

cthia
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Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

A joke bending the galaxy's grapevine

"What's wrong honey? You look flustered?"

"After Paul's death, mom, I'm really heating up 'down south.'"

"I know honey, it isn't like you were seeing a lot of action before Paul. When you do get back in the saddle make sure you get someone who can wrestle with a Salamander."

" :idea: " " :idea: "

"White Haven!" "White Haven!"

"The Treecats named him 'Strong Heart'!"

.
Last edited by cthia on Mon Nov 22, 2021 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Nov 22, 2021 7:19 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The Emperor's New Clothes

A charlatan sold the Emperor new clothes made out of a new material found on Mesa. After the Emperor reached into his pocket to activate the small power cells, some kid screamed out ...

"The Emperor is naked as a jailbird!"

Why does every Emperor have to flash his "wears."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Fri Nov 26, 2021 4:08 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 13794
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Treecat Entrepreneurs

Treecats have gone into business for themselves. They are selling sneakers made out of a certain leather. They call them Pumas.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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