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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:03 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My brother
I like dating twins because my girlfriends always have an understudy.
:lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:38 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Tierney Jenkins, my 12 yr-old niece
Easy things are like riding a bike — except getting bitten by shark; although easy, it's like riding a surfboard.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:45 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Once to my mom ...
"Of course you do know why we have to punish you?"

"Of course mom, I had way too much fun while you and dad were on vacation for something not to go wrong."

She laughed her way out of punishing me, that time.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Daryl   » Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:28 am

Daryl
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Posts: 3590
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2010 1:57 am
Location: Queensland Australia

Today's paper.

Young man on a date - I don't aim to be her Prince Charming, I'll just settle for tomorrow being a mistake she made last night!
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:54 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Sometimes, the best of both worlds and the lesser of two evils are one and the same and so damn sweet.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Tue Aug 26, 2014 11:22 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

If the government sells millions of tickets and gives some of the money to a few randomly selected ticket holders, they call it a Lottery and it's a wunnerful way to raise money for the state.

If ordinary citizens do the exact same thing, they call it a Numbers Racket and throw them in jail.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Tue Aug 26, 2014 11:24 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

cthia wrote:One of my brothers never wanted to come clean with my parents after he did something awful ...
Sisters: "Honesty is the best policy."

Brother: "Only if the policy has lapsed."

Or the statute of limitations has run out...
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:03 am

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Nobody ever learned anything by being right.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Aug 27, 2014 11:14 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Something I wish I had gotten the chance to say to Robin Williams:

Death comes all too soon on its own; no need to help it along.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 28, 2014 3:26 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Nice ones Imaginos.

****** *

A friend ...
I'll never fall in love again. I'll try jumping and see how that works.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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