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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 9:08 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

A-foraging we will go, a-foraging we will go
Heigh-ho the derry-o, a-foraging we will go.


One-liners are great. We have visited some existing one-liners and will continue to do so. However, I perceive that there exists the potential of a vast untapped fountain of these beauties — conceived by the likes of many of you and hidden deeply within the innermost recesses of our minds. So I implore, encourage, even beseech of you, to open the floodgates to the inventive processes to these absent treasures and allow us to go foraging to access this hidden recess. Don't be shy or afraid to open up the stopcock and let your creative juices flow — people have a palate for most anything.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

So, may I infringe on your hospitality and ask that you ... pour us a cup o' ye?

Have a sip of mine ...

What is more than the measure of a man than the man to be measured?



What?! Don't you dare stop the presses!! ... http://youtu.be/dKYM62qSA_0 :(

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:13 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Tierney Jenkins, my 12 yr-old niece.
It's okay to beat a dead horse if the cart is still moving.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Emo Otaku   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 5:42 pm

Emo Otaku
Captain of the List

Posts: 687
Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:52 am
Location: Nottingham, England, UK

I am surprised to find (after a quick google search) that my current Sig is one of my own

other famous quotes from myself

"Sure, that sounds like a great idea"

"where the hell did my wages go?"

and my personal favourite

"Yeah I'd love another beer"
~~~~~~

Sanity is merely the consensus of the Insane
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:11 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My brother, once to an awful girlfriend ...
You're drop dead gorgeous, but I've seen enough of the gorgeous.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:20 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Football players punt the balls, soccer players kick the balls, baseball players hit the balls, politicians drop the balls and wives squish them in their hands.



.
Last edited by cthia on Thu Aug 21, 2014 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:25 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My intentions for your daughter is to dump her for your other.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:41 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

I wouldn't recommend this one. Trust me, it comes with repercussions. As in things fly and you can reap a concussion.
"I BET YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M ANGRY, DO YOU?!"

Um, because I don't bleed at all during the month?

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 8:25 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

One of my brothers never wanted to come clean with my parents after he did something awful ...
Sisters: "Honesty is the best policy."

Brother: "Only if the policy has lapsed."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 8:36 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The funniest thing I heard one of my sisters tell her husband ...

Husband: "Wives are always crying about equality, yet during divorce she takes everything the guy owns."

Sister: "I promise I won't do that to you dear. I'll only take one of your testicles."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 21, 2014 9:15 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

One of my friends ...
I just wish that someday at least one of my girlfriends would remember to plug my heart back into the socket before she leaves.

Poor guy.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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