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American Civil War fought in the space future

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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by The E   » Mon Mar 14, 2016 4:52 am

The E
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lwhitehead wrote:I'm working on this right now, if I do an novel series about my American South/English Star Empire Solider series I don't want to turn into Starship Troopers.

Since I modeling my Character on Robert R Lee,


LW


Question, have you even written a short story? Are you really aiming to do a novel series as your first creative writing project?
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by Michael Everett   » Thu Mar 17, 2016 1:59 pm

Michael Everett
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I've started to rummage through my old, incomplete stories in order to see what sort of stuff I failed to proceed with.
Several of the abandoned stories can be found in my Free Range Bunnies collection.

L, have a look. I've posted several chapters of stories I failed to progress with, but I managed to do at least one full chapter to begin with which gives me the potential to go back later
.
If you want our help, I would strongly advise posting the prologue so we can see which general direction you want to go in.
Seriously. Give us something that proves you're an actual writer and not a manchild...
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by lwhitehead   » Mon Mar 21, 2016 11:10 am

lwhitehead
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Homecoming


An Early Morning Trained pulled into the town of Goodlands and Old man waited on the platform for the passengers to disbarked, as the
people exited the train a young man walked off wearing the Cadet uniform of Tidewater Military Institute known as the Armory.

"Uncle Henry" as the young man pointed with an arm pointed in the direction of the Old Man. "Edward" as the Henry Lee walked towards his Nephew Edward Robert Lee.

Henry escorted Edward towards the hovertaxi, Edward's Uncle is his Mother's Brother and head of the Lee family after his Father drank himself to death when Edward was 8 years old. He place his duffle bag into the boot of the Taxi and sat in back with his Uncle.

Henry order the driver to take them home to Lee Farm, it took a some minutes to get to Lee Valley were the Lee's first settled the area half the land is the Lee family Farm. The taxi landed in front of Georgian Manor house were an Old Lady was waiting at the entrance. The lady is Edward Mother and Sister to Uncle Henry,

LW
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by Michael Everett   » Mon Mar 21, 2016 1:15 pm

Michael Everett
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Ouch. L, you need to do some serious studying of how stories are written.
If I were to do a prologue using what you have written, it would be something like...
The dawnlight illuminated the town of Goodlands as the train pulled into the station, floating above the magnetic tracks that let it cover distances almost at the speed of sound. As the train came to a stop, settling slightly onto its wheels as the levitation effect dissipated, the one person waiting on the platform, an old man who was tanned and weathered from years of hard work, pulled himself to his feet and stepped away from the bench, his eyes darting between the opening doors as he searched for the person he had come to meet.
“Uncle Henry!”
The old man smiled as he raised one hand in greeting to the uniform-clad teen. “Edward! It’s about time you got here, you little whippersnapper. Then again, I’m sure escaping Tidewater Academy was a task and a half. ”
Edward grinned as he activated the hovertech in the base of his trunk. As the trunk rose enough that he could grab it by the pull-handle, the name Edward Robert Lee briefly caught the light.
“Did you bring your old jalopy?”
“Damn thing broke down again. Still fabricating a couple of new pistons for it.” Henry grumbled as his nephew walked up to him. “Had to get one of those newfangled hovertaxi things. It don’t even have a real driver, just a speaking box. T’ain’t natural.”
Edward managed not to laugh, but it was a close-run thing as he and his ornery uncle exited the station and moved to where the yellow autocab was waiting.
“Is mum still at the farm?”
“Yep, and her cooking’s improved now she ain’t usin’ that darned protein-printing doohickey.” Henry replied, staring blankly at the autocab’s boot. Edward reached out and double-tapped it, causing it to open up and earning a sigh from Henry.
“How did you even know how to do that?” He grumbled. “What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned lever or button?”
“Never mind, uncle.” Edward chuckled as he floated his trunk into the boot, switching off the hover-system in order to settle it in the luggage compartment. Stepping back, he waited for the boot to close, then walked to the hatch for the passenger compartment.
“Uncle, you coming or are you going to walk back?”
“Cheeky brat.” Henry grumbled as he rejoined his nephew. “Goes and joins the military academy, graduates and suddenly he isn’t respecting his elders any more.”
Edward had to bite his fist to stop himself from laughing at his uncle’s constant complaints as the autocab lifted off, turning in order to take them to the Georgian-style manor that the Lee family had called home for several centuries.


There you go. Please compare and contrast. Most of the information is included in a way that hopefully seems natural to the reader while at the same time giving a potential look at the characters personalities and, to a degree, motivations.
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by lwhitehead   » Tue Mar 22, 2016 6:41 am

lwhitehead
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Hey it was rough and done on the fly, I can write.


I can't figure out in these forums how to add a proper writing to this forum,


LW
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by Michael Everett   » Tue Mar 22, 2016 1:54 pm

Michael Everett
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Location: Bristol, England

lwhitehead wrote:Hey it was rough and done on the fly, I can write.

(shrug) What I did was also rough and on the fly. I literally thought about it for less than thirty seconds before writing it.
Had to edit out "People" and replace with "Person" after re-reading it once posted.
lwhitehead wrote:I can't figure out in these forums how to add a proper writing to this forum,
LW

I used Microsoft Word. Highlighted the text, control-c (copy), open post reply, hit quote button, position cursor between e] and [/q, then control-v (paste).

It was a nice diversion from my continuing struggles with my planned story The Institute Saga 4. Introducing Galactus' Herald is a lot harder than it sounds. I've only written 8,000 words of it so far, nowhere near enough to start posting on FFN (sigh).
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by The E   » Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:35 am

The E
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Location: Paderborn, Germany

lwhitehead wrote:Hey it was rough and done on the fly, I can write.


No, you can type, but you have so far not demonstrated any ability to actually write a story.

I can't figure out in these forums how to add a proper writing to this forum,


Basically, if you can write a sentence like the one above without every fiber in your body screaming about how bad the sentence construction is, you are not a writer.

Writing is a combination of skillsets. One skill is storytelling: The ability to take an idea (for ideas are cheap) and spin it into a tale worth reading or listening to. You have so far not demonstrated this in any meaningful way.
The other skill is "technical" writing, by which I mean the ability to construct sentences that not just convey the story, but through their structure communicate the flow of the story.

To quote Gary Provost:
“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

So write with a combination of short, medium, and long sentences. Create a sound that pleases the reader's ear. Don't just write words. Write music.”


Suffice it to say that you haven't shown any ability in this regard either.

Finally, and I apologize for harping on and on about this, but grammar and syntax aren't optional. As a writer, words and sentences are the tools of your trade; just as a craftsman who treats his tools with disrespect is likely to be incompetent, so is a writer who thinks that certain writing (like, say, forum posts) is not worth spending any effort on.
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by Michael Everett   » Tue Mar 29, 2016 2:23 am

Michael Everett
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Location: Bristol, England

The E wrote:Writing is a combination of skillsets. One skill is storytelling: The ability to take an idea (for ideas are cheap) and spin it into a tale worth reading or listening to. You have so far not demonstrated this in any meaningful way.
The other skill is "technical" writing, by which I mean the ability to construct sentences that not just convey the story, but through their structure communicate the flow of the story.

--[SNIP]--

Finally, and I apologize for harping on and on about this, but grammar and syntax aren't optional. As a writer, words and sentences are the tools of your trade; just as a craftsman who treats his tools with disrespect is likely to be incompetent, so is a writer who thinks that certain writing (like, say, forum posts) is not worth spending any effort on.


Even with an idea, writing skill, grammar and syntax, it's more common to fail to complete a story than it is to complete it.
I myself have a file of stories that started well, but for one reason or another, I had to stop.
Abandoned Story Concepts
Compcent (Sci-fi/4 chapters) - A resurrected astronaut and an alien computer return to Earth after World War III.
Cyber Dragon (Sci-fi/3 chapters) - Technology can perform miracles, even supplying new bodies, albeit ones that are not human...
Pridelands (Fantasy/2 chapters) - An expansionist empire discovers that it may not be the strongest nation after all.
Angel Flight (Sci-fi/6 chapters) - A scientific experimental subject gets transported to a new world where he must make a new life for himself.
Guardian Monster (Sci-fi/9 chapters) - An runaway teenager makes first contact with a stranded alien scout.
Devil's Island (Fantasy/8 chapters) - A noble demon seeks to resurrect ancient races in the modern era.

Each would-be story came about because I had an idea. World--building was an issue, requiring me to use several pages of A4 to note important things like basic history, traditions and the reasons for them, basic rules or societies and any side-effects it may have, technology and how it causes society to change (and it does. The Wheel and Fire alone changed society from hunter-gatherer to farming-based). However, in every case, the story was abandoned either because I lost where I was going with the plot (didn't write it down, proof I can be an idiot!), realization that I was going to close to something already published or discovering I was about to write myself into a corner.
Even though I do have completed stories on-line, my fails outnumber my completions.
I'm sure RFC has his own file of "might have beens". It would be fascinating to have a peek at them...

Edit - all linked story-fragments are available if anyone wants to adopt them. I'd quite enjoy seeing what a competent writer could do with them...
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by The E   » Tue Mar 29, 2016 7:57 am

The E
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Location: Paderborn, Germany

Michael Everett wrote:Even though I do have completed stories on-line, my fails outnumber my completions.


And that is as it should be. Noone starts out being a perfect storyteller, and even those we think of as having achieved success in this regard still stumble a lot. The important thing here is to look at those failures and get a read on why they failed, if you want to progress as a storyteller.
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Re: American Civil War fought in the space future
Post by Roguevictory   » Fri May 06, 2016 2:06 am

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I response to the question of focusing more on a Space Army or Space Navy I would go Navy. Barring a case where FTL travel ca be done long distance without spacecraft, cases where for one reason or another there are no combat spacecraft or at least very limited use of them, or vehicles can jump directly from planet to planet without traveling through space the space navy is going to be far more important then the army in a rebellion with popular support.
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