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Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof

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Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by cthia   » Sun Aug 16, 2015 8:06 pm

cthia
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Ok. Everyone needs a laugh and a giggle a day. Help the environment by donating a chuckle and turning a frown upside down. The humor threads should be the most prolific threads. Laughter negates animosity. So give people, give. All blood types accepted.

Snap those funny bones back into place and let the good times roll!

If it fails... that's okay -- or lack thereof.


****** *


Homosexuality is nothing new. It was obvious even in the 40's. In fact, it came out of the closet in a big way in 1945.

A weapon of mass destruction was unveiled for the first time by something named the Enola Gay. It first uncovered and exposed itself as a Little Boy followed closely on its heels by a Fat Man with an even bigger explosion.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by cthia   » Wed Sep 09, 2015 11:06 am

cthia
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One of my friends have this lovely set of twins with the cutest little button noses. Kalli and Kayla. They turn seven this coming weekend. Rachel, their mother, sent me this funny video. I'm trying to get them to post it on youtube but they feel their kids would grill them one day over it. Here's part of a seven minute transcript of it.

Rachel bought a dozen cans of evaporated milk for a recipe for the kids upcoming birthday party. She walks into the kitchen and the two girls have opened up several of the cans and poured the contents into a bowl and are staring at it like it's going to get up and move!

"What are you two doing?! I need that milk!"

"We're proving that Carnation is lying mom!"

"What?"

"It's supposed to be evaporated milk mom, but it's not! It's right there!," one of them points to the bowl.

"Yea, it's right there, mom. I see it too," the other says. "And these other cans aren't evaporated either!," says the other while shaking the cans.

"I don't think that's what it really means girls. You should research it."

"We did mom. On the internet it says they evaporated sixty percent of the water from the milk."

"Well that explains it right," asks mom?

"No mom, it doesn't say evaporated water on the can, which we believe because we don't see any water. It says e-va-po-ra-ted milk! And that's a lie!"

"Yea mom. Why do they put a lie on the can?"
"It should say 'milk with evaporated water.' "

:lol:

Two up and coming lawyers?

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by Imaginos1892   » Fri Sep 11, 2015 7:52 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1053
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Saw a discussion of Last Episodes today and they talked about the last episode of "Dexter", a show about a serial killer police detective. He bumps off bad guys that get away. (Never watched it myself)

Stuff happens, he sails his boat into a hurricane and obviously survives because the very last scene shows him working for a logging company in the Northwest.

So it seems that in the end, he's a lumberjack, and he's OK.
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Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!
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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by cthia   » Fri Nov 20, 2015 1:23 am

cthia
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Came across this on the internet...
Three Filter Test

Socrates was said to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Pause a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out his best friend was banging his wife...

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu May 10, 2018 1:44 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1053
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Was at the store today, and ahead of me in line a little boy was yelling at his mother, "Gimme money! Gimme money!"

I asked her, "Is he preparing for a career in Government?"
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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by pappilon   » Thu May 10, 2018 4:02 pm

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Posts: 1074
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Imaginos1892 wrote:Was at the store today, and ahead of me in line a little boy was yelling at his mother, "Gimme money! Gimme money!"

I asked her, "Is he preparing for a career in Government?"


We have a menagerie. 19yo African Gray parrot, 11yo English Tabby, 8yo chihuahua/sheltie mix, and a 7mo American short hair. The kitten was standing paws on the bottom bar of the bird's cage and the bird was at the bottom of the cage looking at the kitten.

After a few seconds of staring, the kitten's tail started twitching and the bird started bobbing up and down like he was dancing. the kitten's ears twitched and the bird started laughing. The kitten stretched his paws up the cage. The bird said goodbye and the kitten wandered into the kitchen.


Don't know what that conversation was about but it sure looked intense.
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The imagination has to be trained into foresight and empathy.
Ursula K. LeGuinn

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Re: Non-Honorverse Humor or lack thereof
Post by cthia   » Sat Oct 06, 2018 12:07 pm

cthia
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A billionaire who hates his own discovery. He's taken a virgin under his wing to stroke his ego.

"I fucking hate it! I wish I'd never developed this shit!
Pussy. What the hell was I thinking to develop and name something that smells like pussy! I'm sampling this shit all the time for my customers. No one wants to buy an ounce of Pussy for $5000 without sampling the goods first. It's free for me. So I try it on for them."

"What's so bad about that sir?"

"I SMELL LIKE PUSSY ALL THE TIME! Dick! SO I CAN'T GET ANY!"

"But sir, when I do a search on the WWW there's no mention of Pussy being sold as a fragrance."

"We don't call it Pussy. We call it Wussy. As a play on Pussy. Besides, everyone on the WWW is trying to get at the Pussy too."

"Why not simply call it Pussy?"

"It isn't legal."

"It isn't legal to call a fragrance Pussy?"

"No, Dick. It isn't legal to sell Pussy."

"Oh, right. I hear you're offering a special, a bundle, sir."

"Yes, a group sale."

"OIC, more bang for your buck."

"Atta boy Dick. You're starting to get it now. You're not a virgin any more. Yes, we're going to offer it with Brothel. It'll be sold inside with it."

"Hey, Brothel's got a distinct smell. What's inside of it?"

"Can't tell you what's going on inside Brothel. Trade secret."

"That's a cute little package you're selling it in. It's really trim too."

"It's makes the package more attractive that way if it's trimmed."

"What's the other fragrance in the box with it?"

"Virginia. Without Virginia there's no Pussy. Her close friends call her Vadge for short."

"OIC . . . What's that inside the jar of Pussy?"

"It's a rod for getting at the Pussy."

"Genius! This is an oddly sealed package sir. Difficult to get into it."

"It's just like Pussy, Dick. You've got to finger the package a little to open her up. Find the hole and dig at it."

"I can't find the hole sir."

"Slide your finger around slowly Dick, until you feel something like stubble."

"It it . . . it feels like hair."

"There it is!"


Genius!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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