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Self proclaimed one-liners

For anyone who might want to have a side conversation...you're welcome here!
Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:31 pm

Imaginos1892
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

You should not fart in front of the fireplace.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Jan 04, 2018 6:31 pm

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My memory ain't what it "used to be" before it was "used as can be." I think. I'm not sure. I totally can't remember.

Alzheimer's has to be a very horrific illness, for all involved.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Jan 04, 2018 6:32 pm

cthia
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Imaginos1892 wrote:You should not fart in front of the fireplace.


Unless you need some kindling.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:09 am

cthia
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Posts: 9536
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Schit happens because everybody has an anus and they aren't all clean.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Jan 07, 2018 1:03 am

Imaginos1892
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

Helga and her trained Zealand soldiers were Plan A. Michael and I were, at best, Plan O — for Oh Shit.

—— from Chapter 6 of my alternate ending to John Wyndham's 'The Chrysalids'
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:30 am

Imaginos1892
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

Let me guess — you turn the phone up so you can hear it over the TV, then you turn the TV up so you can hear it over the phone.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:59 am

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 889
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

I think what religious people need is not God so much as the Devil — some external force of evil that causes people to do the horrible things they do, and can be kept away by the proper incantations and rituals.

They can't admit that the Hitlers, Stalins and Mansons of the world are evil all on their own; that opposing them is entirely up to us; and that we're not like them only because we choose not to be.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Michael Everett   » Sat Jan 20, 2018 7:14 pm

Michael Everett
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Location: Bristol, England

One of the best "Good-Dad" lines I've come across. The speaker hates millipedes and is explaining to a friend why he didn't simply pull the "Dad-card" and ban his daughter from having a pet giant millipede of her own.

"Just 'cause I hate millipedes doesn't mean she should haffta."
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Rincewind   » Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:50 pm

Rincewind
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Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:22 pm

1st speaker: "I am a firm believer in the saying 'The pen is mightier than the sword.'"
2nd speaker; (Scoffs): "How is a pen mightier than a sword?"
1st speaker: "It is if I stick it in your nuts."
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:03 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 889
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Sanity is like anything else — best practiced in moderation.
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