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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:53 am

Imaginos1892
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cthia wrote:
Imaginos1892 wrote:If you dream you're at work, can you claim it as overtime?

What if you solve a work-related problem in your dream - and the solution still works after you wake up?

Of course you can, but ppl never do because it isn't profitable. The IRS will just tax it. It's called REM sleep — Remove Enough Money.

Lincoln freed the slaves, but the IRS didn't get the memo.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:56 am

cthia
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cthia wrote:
Imaginos1892 wrote:
If you dream you're at work, can you claim it as overtime?

What if you solve a work-related problem in your dream - and the solution still works after you wake up?

Of course you can, but ppl never do because it isn't profitable. The IRS will just tax it. It's called REM sleep — Remove Enough Money.

Imaginos1892 wrote:Lincoln freed the slaves, but the IRS didn't get the memo.

:lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 12:58 am

cthia
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I would never sleep with any of my friends girls. They seem to prefer other girls too.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:19 am

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My fiancée's bff ...
Men are so pathetic, even with the invention of a GPS they still can't find it, even with a woman giving the directions, and she is very Sirius.

:lol:

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:34 am

cthia
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Posts: 13581
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My Uncle, everytime he buys a muffler.

I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler, unless it works on my wife.


The old Meineke commercial of '86.
http://youtu.be/-V9LBZmYnYs

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 8:48 am

cthia
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Posts: 13581
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My cousin.
Beautiful women are moody and rude,
Not so beautiful women are moody and crude,
The remaining women are happy that these women have such ugly attitudes.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 8:52 am

cthia
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Posts: 13581
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Having it all and not wishing for anything leads to suicide; Wishing for all but not wanting for anything leads to a long life.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by pokermind   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 9:41 am

pokermind
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Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Some Mountain Man wisdom:

Definitions:

1) Divorce: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

2) Work: A nasty four letter word that ends in 'K.'

3) Women: If it weren't for that beaver between their legs thar'ed be a bounty on 'em.

4) Flat Lander: A clueless non Mountain Man.

5) Am-ah Ti-bow: Shoshoni for a clueless white man, literally Crazy White man.

6) Apple Pie: A furry jug filler made of apple juice, raisins all spice and grain alcohol [Everclear] filtered into a jug.
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Joat42   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:04 am

Joat42
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Posts: 1914
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:01 am
Location: Sweden

  • Do fishes swim in the sea? (affirmative response)
  • Do bears take a sh!t in the forest? (affirmative response)
  • A wooden horse rarely relieve themselves. (negative response)
  • The sum of the human populations intelligence is constant and the population is increasing every year.

---
Jack of all trades and destructive tinkerer.


Anyone who have simple solutions for complex problems is a fool.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:49 am

cthia
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Posts: 13581
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Imaginos1892 wrote:Congress is 535 ants floating down the Potomac on a soap box, thinking they're in control of it.

Must be fire ants 'cause they burn through tons of our money.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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