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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:58 pm

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 774
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

While reporting a scam phone call from somebody pretending to be with the sheriff's department:
Detective: "What made you suspicious?"
Me: "Hell, I wake up suspicious."
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by MaxxQ   » Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:06 pm

MaxxQ
BuNine

Posts: 1502
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 5:08 pm
Location: Greer, South Carolina USA

For my real-life job, I make jewelry. Including the owner, there are seven people working there, all female except for myself and a 17 year-old part-timer.

Sometimes, the discussions lead to some interesting comments - some are even funny. One that I made a few weeks ago came from a discussion about weddings, and apparently everyone thought it was funnier than I did when I said it:

When men get married, they lose about 20 IQ points - I'm down about 60.

Yes, I've been married three times
=================

DeviantArt: http://maxxqbunine.deviantart.com/
Mk28 Condor pinnace: http://youtu.be/fy8e-3lrKGE
HMS Fearless: http://youtu.be/uEiGEeq8SiI
Mk13 load sequence: http://youtu.be/i99Ufp_wAnQ
Mk16 attack sequence: http://youtu.be/byq68MjOlJU
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:46 pm

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 774
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Fear, greed and envy - the things that motivate about ninety percent of human behavior.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Daryl   » Mon Jan 02, 2017 3:56 am

Daryl
Admiral

Posts: 2210
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2010 1:57 am
Location: Queensland Australia

Good point.
Happiness with wealth is relative. A millionaire is unhappy if his neighbour is a billionaire. A Toyota driver envies an Audi driver, who envies a Mercedes driver, who envies a Rolls Royce chauffeured person. Yet the Toyota driver probably has less debt and works less hours, spending more time with his family.

Imaginos1892 wrote:Fear, greed and envy - the things that motivate about ninety percent of human behavior.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by WeirdlyWired   » Mon Jan 02, 2017 5:17 pm

WeirdlyWired
Captain of the List

Posts: 487
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 1:08 pm
Location: 35 NW center of nowhere.

[quote="Daryl"]Good point.
Happiness with wealth is relative. A millionaire is unhappy if his neighbour is a billionaire. A Toyota driver envies an Audi driver, who envies a Mercedes driver, who envies a Rolls Royce chauffeured person. Yet the Toyota driver probably has less debt and works less hours, spending more time with his family.

Debt up to his ears but at an absolute lower amount. Lower wages, less economic security. One paycheck from bankrupcy, and paying twice the interest rate on his loans. The excruciatingly high cost of poverty.

But he has his family and his health, and happiness. God bless Tiny Tim.
Helas,chou, Je m'en fache.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:54 pm

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 774
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Even the worst haircut is temporary.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by WeirdlyWired   » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:17 am

WeirdlyWired
Captain of the List

Posts: 487
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 1:08 pm
Location: 35 NW center of nowhere.

Imaginos1892 wrote:Even the worst haircut is temporary.


... But stupid lasts a lifetime. (NOT a shot at anyone)

And, unfortunately, stupid and wrong ideas seem to be eternal.
Helas,chou, Je m'en fache.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:27 pm

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 774
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Ignorance can be cured, stupid is forever.

That's an oldie but goodie. Or, to paraphrase Harlan Ellison:

The two commonest things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity -- and nobody's found a way to generate energy from stupidity.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:29 pm

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 774
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

On his rather wooden performance at the wedding:
Groom: "Hey, I was just making sure I didn't screw up."
Bride: "Screw up what, 'I' or 'do'?"
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:16 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 8159
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Out of the mouth of a blonde friend of mine who was at the same Super Bowl party, regarding President Trump. She said it so matter-of-factly and it had us all ROTFL.

They're afraid to take his Twitter toy away from him because they're afraid he'll go ballistic. And he already has the launch codes!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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