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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Jun 29, 2018 7:41 pm

cthia
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My brother said it best...

"I don't know what that is in the dark that keeps going bump in my family's night, but we all sleep a lot better knowing that whatever it is... daddy can shoot it."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:56 pm

Imaginos1892
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

From a party:

The only reason you're not falling-down drunk is, you can't stand up in the first place!

To be drunk again, you'd've had to sober up at some point!

Why don't I have a few more drinks? Because I do not consider the symptoms of alcohol poisoning 'fun'.

Drunk: "Hey, ya can't fly on one wing!"
Non-drunk: "You just proved you can't fly on five wings, either."
———————
Last edited by Imaginos1892 on Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:26 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Jul 08, 2018 10:47 pm

Imaginos1892
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Imaginos1892 wrote:Somebody complained to me about some...er....unusual things found in the Craigslist singles section.

And now there are no singles ads on Craigslist. The idiots in government passed an idiotic law that allows the owners of Craigslist to be sued and/or prosecuted for material posted on their web site by people they have no control over. The whole Personal Ads section was taken down within days.

Nobody will admit it, but the purpose of that law was to get rid of the prostitution ads that were mixed in with the more normal singles ads. My proof? The Part-Time Employment section was taken down two weeks later, after prostitution ads started showing up there.

Okay, this is the Self-Proclaimed One-Liners topic, and I have, not one, but TWO One-Liners that apply here:

As long as sex and money exist, they WILL be exchanged.

The world is full of self-important self-righteous assholes, obsessed and tormented by the conviction that Somebody, Somewhere is Doing Something they don't approve of, and driven by a compulsion to Do Something About It at any cost.

In this case, the cost so far is the entire Personal Ads and Part-Time Employment sections of Craigslist. What else will that blind-stupid law cost us?
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:22 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 987
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

"Why aren't they open for breakfast?"
"It's an Italian restaurant."
"Italians eat breakfast, don't they?"
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Jul 19, 2018 4:00 am

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

If a picture is worth a thousand words. Body language is like a Picasso.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Fri Jul 20, 2018 5:43 pm

cthia
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Posts: 10214
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My brother. . .

Anyone wants to be a hero take one step forward. Ok two. Ok three.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Sat Jul 21, 2018 7:06 am

cthia
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Posts: 10214
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Wanna find a needle in a haystack? Jump in naked.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Annachie   » Sun Jul 22, 2018 2:25 am

Annachie
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I've been re-readong the Safehold series. E books.

The number of times I've seem "1" instead of "I" is crazy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are so going to die. :p ~~~~ runsforcelery
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
still not dead. :)
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Jul 26, 2018 9:48 pm

Imaginos1892
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Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Why should your promises mean anything to me, when they mean nothing to you?

Always, ALWAYS have a Plan O — for Oh Shit.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sat Aug 04, 2018 6:17 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 987
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Facts do not depend on opinions. Unfortunately, for far too many people, opinions do not depend on facts, either.


For those fundies that try to denigrate evolution by whining 'It's only a theory':

You obviously do not know the meaning of the word ‘Theory’ — or else you do know, and misuse it deliberately in order to deceive people. You are either an idiot or a scoundrel; all that remains is to determine which one.

There's no shortage of people certain they know how to create the perfect world. Trouble is, they always start out by fucking up this one.
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