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One-liners that should have been

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One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Mon Mar 24, 2014 9:49 pm

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Every once in a while in a movie, you see a missed opportunity for the perfect line.

Grumpy Old Men:

Jack Lemmon's character has a heart attack and falls down in a snowbank. A few minutes later, Walter Matthau walks by, rolls him over and yells, "Gustafson! Are ya dead?" and Lemmon mumbles something about "the last thing I see is your ugly face". How about:

"Gustafson! Are ya dead?"
"Oh, God, I hope not, because if you're here it means I'm in Hell!"

Rock Star:

Mark Wahlberg is arguing with the rest of the band after his first concert. They tell him his girlfriend has to ride in the limo with the others, and he has to ride in the bus with the band. He keeps arguing. Somebody, probably the Timothy Spall roadie character, could have made the scene perfect by saying:

"Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus."

(from "Joe's Garage", Frank Zappa)
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by cthia   » Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:16 pm

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Imaginos1892 wrote:Every once in a while in a movie, you see a missed opportunity for the perfect line.

Grumpy Old Men:

Jack Lemmon's character has a heart attack and falls down in a snowbank. A few minutes later, Walter Matthau walks by, rolls him over and yells, "Gustafson! Are ya dead?" and Lemmon mumbles something about "the last thing I see is your ugly face". How about:

"Gustafson! Are ya dead?"
"Oh, God, I hope not, because if you're here it means I'm in Hell!"

Rock Star:

Mark Wahlberg is arguing with the rest of the band after his first concert. They tell him his girlfriend has to ride in the limo with the others, and he has to ride in the bus with the band. He keeps arguing. Somebody, probably the Timothy Spall roadie character, could have made the scene perfect by saying:

"Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus."

(from "Joe's Garage", Frank Zappa)

You're right, this happens lots.
It is all too common.
In fact, I was watching Live With Kelly and Michael today. John Cena was a guest. I was hoping he'd chat about his defeat of The Rock. He did. They even showed a clip of it. Great.

The next guest was Joan Rivers.
Well, Joan Rivers and Ray J. parodied Kim Kardashian's sex tape.

The same question was churning in everyone's mind watching the show. Michael Strayhan didn't fail in that regard. He did indeed ask her about the sex tape.

However, he missed a golden opportunity to throw one of the greatest, and one of my personal favorite, one-liners in the face of Joan Rivers to lead into the question.

Wait for it...


Wait for it...

"Can we talk, can we talk?"

What's so golden about this one-liner moment is it happens to be Joan's own one-liner.

She is famous for it!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Mar 26, 2014 11:58 pm

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In Chuck (season 3, I think) Chuck's on the phone to the store's main office. His trouble report is OK, but I think this is better:

"Problem? Oh, you could say we've got a problem. 300 rabid gamers have spent two days waiting in line for this grand event, they're staring at me like hungry piranhas, and when they find out that corporate HQ has sent us exactly six copies of this glorious new game to sell them, they're gonna get a little upset. So, I'm kind of, like, concerned, that after they trash the store, lynch all the employees, burn the building to the ground and piss on the ashes, well, then, I'm afraid things might turn ugly."
-----------------
Bailiff! WHACK his pee-pee!!
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Michael Everett   » Sun Apr 13, 2014 4:27 pm

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Posts: 1996
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Location: Bristol, England

Interesting tagline, Imaginos1892...
Bailiff! WHACK his pee-pee!!

Have you been reading the disclaimers by the fanfic writer Bobmin? The Who-who saga seemed to take on a life of it's own after a while...
~~~~~~

I can't write anywhere near as well as Weber
But I try nonetheless, And even do my own artwork.

(Now on Twitter)and mentioned by RFC!
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Howard T. Map-addict   » Mon Apr 14, 2014 10:51 am

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Yes, but not with each other. :lol: :mrgreen:

Naughty Moose

Joan Rivers:

"Can we talk, can we talk?"
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:45 pm

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About John Ringo's aliens, the Tchpth:
If somebody says "Gesundheit", you pronounced it correctly.

----------------
Gentlemen! You can't fight in here - this is the War Room!
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Jul 27, 2016 11:46 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 718
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

In the anime movie "Kite", the main character has trouble killing one of her targets and resorts to a small grenade. He gets blown through a wall and falls 10 stories, through a restaurant skylight.

I wanted the customer to say:

"Oh, waiter! I did not order the burning dead guy!"
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Joat42   » Thu Jul 28, 2016 5:36 pm

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Every time I hear (in a movie or elsewhere) "Holy Shit! It's going to explode!" I want to hear someone reply "What? Do the pope shit TNT?"

---
Jack of all trades and destructive tinkerer.
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by cthia   » Wed Aug 17, 2016 4:02 pm

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"Smile mutha phucka! Say—"

"Schit!" :o

"Well, I was gonna say CHEESE but SCHIT will do just fine."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 18, 2016 6:03 am

cthia
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Joat42 wrote:Every time I hear (in a movie or elsewhere) "Holy Shit! It's going to explode!" I want to hear someone reply "What? Do the pope shit TNT?"

:lol:

He will if he gravely pisses off the wrong person sitting in C-4.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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