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One-liners that should have been

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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Jan 08, 2017 6:21 pm

Imaginos1892
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse is an Australian low-budget zombie movie about the making of an Australian low-budget zombie movie. The lead actress of the movie-within-the-movie gets turned into a zombie and wanders into the lead actor's trailer. He, of course, assumes that she has finally succumbed to his Manly Charms and proceeds to...take advantage of the situation.

Somebody should have said:
Well, she did say she'd die before she'd have sex with you.

Later, he finds out that there is yet another way to become a zombie; he is now the not-so-proud owner of a genuine Zombie Schlong, and will inevitably turn into one of the walking dead.
Look on the bright side, mate -- you can do her again and nothing worse will happen to you!
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Last edited by Imaginos1892 on Sun Sep 24, 2017 9:41 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by cthia   » Thu Jan 12, 2017 4:02 pm

cthia
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Imaginos1892 wrote:I Survived A Zombie Apocalypse is an Australian low-budget zombie movie about the making of an Australian low-budget zombie movie. The lead actress of the movie-within-the-movie gets turned into a zombie and wanders into the lead actor's trailer. He, of course, assumes that she has finally succumbed to his manly charms and proceeds to...take advantage of the situation.

Somebody should have said:
Well, she did say she'd die before she'd have sex with you.

Later, he finds out that there is yet another way to become a zombie; he is now the not-so-proud owner of a genuine zombie wanker, and will inevitably turn into one of the walking dead.
Look on the bright side, mate -- you can do her again and nothing worse will happen to you!



I would have said...
If you're going to do her, don't complain if she lies there like she's dead.


or

Talk about a dead lay.


or

That promises to be a dead lay.


or

No need to be gentle.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Mon Jan 23, 2017 6:47 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 839
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

In The Sandpiper, Elizabeth Taylor plays a single mother and Richard Burton is headmaster of the school that's been given custody of her son.

Richard Burton's line is:

"We're not the lions, Miss Reynolds, we're the Christians."

Her line should have been:
So was Torquemada.
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Re: One-liners that should have been
Post by Imaginos1892   » Tue Oct 10, 2017 10:16 am

Imaginos1892
Commodore

Posts: 839
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

In the 2012 remake of Total Recall, Douglas Quaid and Melina escape being killed a lot by Lori, the UFB agent who pretended to be his wife.

Melina tells Quaid, "You sure know how to pick 'em!"

Quaid should have said:
Hey, it was an arranged marriage!
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