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Self proclaimed one-liners

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Thu Aug 17, 2017 8:56 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
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Location: San Diego, California, USA

Interviewer: "What kind of job are you looking for?"
Me: "The kind where I work, and they pay me."
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sat Sep 16, 2017 12:54 am

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

What do you mean, I can't be a nonconformist because I don't look like the other nonconformists?
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:16 am

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My Uncle to my sisters...
"It's quite alright to be a chauvinist, as long as you're not a pig."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:39 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

The inherent problem of studying the chickens and the eggs to determine which comes first will never be solved because we keep eating the chickens and the eggs.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by cthia   » Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:41 am

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

My sister is fond of saying...
There are spies amongst the flies on the wall.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:08 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

That ain't just a fly, that's a bumble-fly!

About a really big, loud fly that got in the house. Fortunately, it was no match for the flyswatter.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sat Oct 14, 2017 10:04 pm

Imaginos1892
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Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

If you keep driving like that, you're going to kill us all! Or everybody else.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by pappilon   » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:50 pm

pappilon
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Posts: 1074
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:29 pm

Everybody has had a day like this. You know, the one when no matter how hard Management tries nothing seems to go wrong?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The imagination has to be trained into foresight and empathy.
Ursula K. LeGuinn

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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by Imaginos1892   » Mon Oct 23, 2017 7:22 pm

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1332
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

Drinking doesn't solve your problems. It can make you not give a shit for a while, but then you wake up with a hangover and all your problems are still there.
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Re: Self proclaimed one-liners
Post by pappilon   » Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:07 am

pappilon
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1074
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:29 pm

Money may not buy happiness but it sure can buy lots of happy memories.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The imagination has to be trained into foresight and empathy.
Ursula K. LeGuinn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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