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Happy Birthday, David

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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by kzt   » Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:48 am

kzt
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Happy birthday!
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by cthia   » Mon Oct 29, 2018 7:52 am

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Roasting the author


The road traveled to get where you are might be fraught with pitfalls and stalls . . .
Image
The bad thing about growing old is you lose all of the pretty candles on your birthday cake. The good thing is you save money on candles. The best thing about turning 66 is it's a magic birth number represented by exactly 11 candles on your cake.

But! 66 candles is a fire hazard and a pass-out hazard. Not many 66 yr-old men can blow out 66 candles, even if he can get close enough to the raging fire without igniting himself. Unless he's full of hot air. Hot air blown on an already raging inferno is just plain old dangerous. Not to mention what it'll do to an already baked cake.

Next year you'll have to resort to some kind of Roman numeral scheme. 11 blue candles - each blue candle representing 6 years each. 1 white candle - white representing 1 yr each.

Moral of the story? Old man shouldn't try to impress lovely bride by showing her you can blow out 60+ candles. Trying to show her you still got it might make you lose it. She loves you and she still thinks you're hot and on fire without you actually being "hot and on fire." Doesn't old age bring excitement?!


. . . but no matter where you go, there you are.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by cthia   » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:14 am

cthia
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You know you're getting old when . . .
  • The fire department is present when you light the candles on your cake.
  • The fire marshal is your closest friend at the party. He's the one standing really close.
  • Your neighbors update their fire insurance.
  • The astronauts can see your cake from space.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by cthia   » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:35 am

cthia
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Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Suddenly things make a whole lotta sense. Now I know why many of us lose our hair as we get older. Less of a fire hazard on our birthdays.

Now I know why many of us develop urinary incontinence. It's like a built-in sprinkler system to put out our own birthday fires!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by Fox2!   » Wed Oct 31, 2018 10:46 pm

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Brigade XO wrote:Happy Birthday



Ad multos annos!
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by saber964   » Thu Nov 01, 2018 6:12 pm

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Location: Spokane WA USA

cthia wrote:You know you're getting old when . . .
  • The fire department is present when you light the candles on your cake.
  • The fire marshal is your closest friend at the party. He's the one standing really close.
  • Your neighbors update their fire insurance.
  • The astronauts can see your cake from space.



How about, you know your getting old when

The Forest Service is sending water bombers to your birthday party.

You consider using a fire extinguisher instead of blowing out your candles yourself.

You get cited for not having a burn permit.

You use you birthday cake as a heat source instead of your grill.
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Re: Happy Birthday, David
Post by cthia   » Thu Nov 01, 2018 8:25 pm

cthia
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Posts: 14951
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

saber964 wrote:
cthia wrote:You know you're getting old when . . .
  • The fire department is present when you light the candles on your cake.
  • The fire marshal is your closest friend at the party. He's the one standing really close.
  • Your neighbors update their fire insurance.
  • The astronauts can see your cake from space.



How about, you know your getting old when

The Forest Service is sending water bombers to your birthday party.

You consider using a fire extinguisher instead of blowing out your candles yourself.

You get cited for not having a burn permit.

You use you birthday cake as a heat source instead of your grill.

LOL

The EPA accuses your birthday cake of contributing too much to global warming.

You get a huge tax break for magic number birthdays - 11 candles for 66 years old.

The local fire department, homeowner association and insurance companies insist on a fire break around your property.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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