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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Aug 27, 2018 11:58 am

cthia
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Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Good thing Hemphill and Harrington are both women,

"Sorry for the blowup at the WDB, Sonja."

"It's okay Honor, I really shouldn't have scheduled it at the end of the month."


****** *


Georgia Sakristos finally confided in someone why she sold out her fellow comrades.

"I was going through a really rough period."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Aug 27, 2018 11:04 pm

cthia
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Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Foraker's "freak accident" which destroyed so many StateSec ships came on the day of her heaviest flow. It reminded humanity of the etymology of menstruate. . .


Men-strewed all over eight galaxies.


As a result, Theisman's entire navy now sets its chronometers to match Shannon's cycle.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Hegemon   » Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:43 pm

Hegemon
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 64
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:50 am

Hello

I am not a fan (to say the least) of President Pritchart's logical chains and decisions, especially between August 1921 and January 1921. Here is a sample of the stupid things she has done and is doing while waiting for the inevitable thrashing from the RMN.

President Pritchart's Daily Journal, October 10, 1921.
- I was so sure Admirals Tourville and Chin would beat Admiral Harrington! It's not like they fought any battles against her in the past and I could base my assessment on it. Oh, wait...
- My order to keep Giancola's and Grosclaude's falsification of the diplomatic correspondence a secret even from my Parliament still holds. I'm sure that is helping. NOT!
- Thank goodness nobody remembered to publicly ask me if I still thought that the previous Manticoran government was the one that falsified the diplomatic correspondence. Answering that question these days would be very awkward...
- My order to keep the Operation Hassan a secret even from my Parliament still holds. I'm sure that is helping. NOT!
- My order to keep the assassination of Roger III Winton a secret even from my Parliament still holds. I'm sure that is helping. NOT!
- Some Admiral proposed abandoning some or all of the systems reconquered during Operation Thunderbolt for both military (the need to concentrate on the defense of the most important industrial systems) and political reasons (a signal to Manticore we are ready to eat some crow and defusing one of the biggest points of contention with them). I, of course, ordered Secretary Theisman to fire him for defeatism.
- Some Admiral proposed giving an order to abandon ship and surrender any system attacked by RMN SD(P)s equipped with FTL telemetry missiles. I, of course, ordered Secretary Theisman to fire him for defeatism. Me, the politician that started this war, will fight to the last RHN officer and spacer against the Manticoran imperialists.
- Speaking of Manticoran imperialists, I have to brush-up Oscar Saint-Just's and Cordelia Ransom's speeches about fighting for every inch to the last ship and spacer. I'm sure they will come in handy very soon.
- Speaking of Oscar Saint-Just, I still remember early 1915 when I was young and foolish and planned to surrender the Twelfth Fleet to the RMN Eighth Fleet against Saint-Just's orders. Now that I am in his shoes as Haven's head of state and we are in an even worse military situation, I'm sure no RHN officer thinks of doing something similar. NOT!
- I just met the ambassadors from Beowulf and Erewhon. Someone on my staff suggested using one or both of them to open negotiations or at least a communication channel with the Manticorans but I said no. Who has ever heard of using a third-party as a negotiation channel?! Not me, that's for sure!
- I remember that two years ago before launching Operation Thunderbolt I was telling myself all I wanted was for Manticore to talk to me. Now I stopped even trying to communicate to Manticore in any way whatsoever.
- I heard a lady on the cleaning staff saying "Pritchart should really take a walk to Canossa for the good of us all". I have no idea what she meant. A quick search found no landmark called "Canossa" on Haven. It can't be that important if it's not on any map. And why do you have to walk to it when there are air cars around?!
- When asked at the Octagon what was our political strategy on ending the war absent a military victory, I told them that it was simply this: we are hoping that Queen Elizabeth and the RMN Admiralty suddenly develop dementia and forget to ever attack us again.
- Javier is still dead.
- The Battle of Manticore is still lost.
- Two million RHN spacers are still dead.
- The war is still not won.


I hope you enjoyed it.

PS: In case you haven't figured it out, the instances of 'NOT!' are inspired by a scene from Aladdin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=582LRAhQg3I
Last edited by Hegemon on Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:45 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Aug 30, 2018 10:35 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Darn, I haven't seen Aladdin. But I enjoyed it!


"Why is Eloise so jumpy in social settings now?"

"She's worried someone's going to ask her about the diplomatic notes again. A girl makes one shitty mistake and she's judged by the stink of it forever."


****** *

"What's wrong Nimitz!?"

<It's Sam again Honor. I hate it when she's on her cycle>

"Treecats aren't supposed to menstruate and bleed."

<Tell her that! She gets issues, and I bleed!>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Hegemon   » Fri Aug 31, 2018 5:04 pm

Hegemon
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 64
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:50 am

This series is dedicated to roseandheather and other apologists of President Pritchart.

President Pritchart's Daily Journal, October 11, 1921.
- Secretary Theisman said after the Battle of Lovat that we have three options: negotiations, surrender or Operation Beatrice*. Now Operation Beatrice turned into a disaster, but I continue to refuse to lift a finger about the first option and refuse to countenance the second. As I said, I am hoping that Queen Elizabeth and the RMN Admiralty suddenly develop dementia and forget to ever attack us again.
- I told the public about the losses during Operation Beatrice, but not about the fact that this war is built on a lie that I still tacitly endorse by not exposing Secretary Giancola. That totally makes sense. NOT!
- I tried twice (Operations Thunderbolt and Beatrice) to force Manticore to accept my 'peace terms' at the point of a gun using sneak attacks and I was shocked, shocked when Queen Elizabeth didn't budge. But somehow, I cannot countenance doing what I wanted them to do in my current situation. Otherwise, after learning the results of Operation Beatrice I would have taken the first dispatch boat to Trevor's Star, told them what I know about our secret history and asked for terms.
- One of my PR guys suggested laying the groundwork for the inevitable terms me or my successor will have to accept from Manticore. The themes included common-sense ideas like: "Manticore is not as bad as it's cracked up to be, despite their queen and aristocracy. After all, we are the ones with a police state that killed and deported millions of its citizens" and "Manticore and Grayson are much more justified in hating and fearing us (see Operation Beatrice, Operation Thunderbolt, Secretary Giancola's antics, Operation Hassan, Operation Icarus, Operation Dagger, Operation Perseus, Operation Jericho, Operation Odysseus, the assasination of Roger III Winton, etc.) than the reverse (see Operation Sanskrit, Operation Cutworm I-III, Secretary Descroix antics, Operation Buttercup, reconquest of Trevor's Star)". I told him to pound sand because our public doesn't have long memories and will believe whatever it suits us, even us telling them that we were always allies with Eastasia, ahem, I mean Manticore.
- Javier is still dead.
- The Battle of Manticore is still lost.
- Two million RHN spacers are still dead.
- The war is still not won.

*By the way, there was a fourth, refusing battle against their SD(P)s armed with FTL fire control missiles and letting them thrash our infrastructure until even my Parliament would see the writing on the wall and asked for terms.


I hope you recognized the reference from George Orwell's 1984.
Last edited by Hegemon on Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Fri Aug 31, 2018 5:41 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Thanks Hegemon. It is loads of fun getting a looksee at Pritchart's Daily Journal.

Here's some scribbling on one page of her diary. . .

Pritchart's Diary

Oh shit, what am I gonna do? I'm between a rock and a hard place, and that rock and a hard place is between a rock and a hard place called Elizabeth. If I knew this job would wedge me so snugly between this particular rock and this particular hard place, I'd have put my foot in Tom's ass for even offering me this job. Matter of fact, where is that SOB!

Javier, I never knew I'd end up so a-lone.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:50 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

Hegemon wrote:This series is dedicated to roseandheather and other apologists of President Pritchart.

President Pritchart's Daily Journal, October 11, 1921.
- Secretary Theisman said after the Battle of Lovat that we have three options: negotiations, surrender or Operation Beatrice*. Now Operation Beatrice turned into a disaster, but I continue to refuse to lift a finger about the first option and refuse to countenance the second. As I said, I am hoping that Queen Elizabeth and the RMN Admiralty suddenly develop dementia and forget to ever attack us again.
- I told the public about the losses during Operation Beatrice, but not about the fact that this war is built on a lie that I still tacitly endorse by not exposing Secretary Giancola. That totally makes sense. NOT!
- I tried twice (Operations Thunderbolt and Beatrice) to force Manticore to accept my 'peace terms' at the point of a gun using sneak attacks and I was shocked, shocked when Queen Elizabeth didn't budge. But somehow, I cannot countenance doing what I wanted them to do in my current situation. Otherwise, after learning the results of Operation Beatrice I would have taken the first dispatch boat to Trevor's Star, told them what I know about our secret history and asked for terms.
- One of my PR guys suggested laying the groundwork for the inevitable terms me or my successor will have to accept from Manticore. The themes included common-sense ideas like: "Manticore is not as bad as it's cracked up to be, despite their queen and aristocracy. After all, we are the ones with a police state that killed and deported millions of its citizens" and "Manticore and Grayson are much more justified in hating and fearing us (see Operation Beatrice, Operation Thunderbolt, Secretary Giancola's antics, Operation Hassan, Operation Icarus, Operation Dagger, Operation Perseus, Operation Jericho, Operation Odysseus, the assasination of Roger III Winton, etc.) than the reverse (see Operation Sanskrit, Operation Cutworm I-III, Secretary Descroix antics, Operation Buttercup, reconquest of Trevor's Star)". I told him to pound sand because our public doesn't have long memories and will believe whatever it suits us, even us telling them that we were always allies with Eastasia, ahem, I mean Manticore.
- Javier is still dead.
- The Battle of Manticore is still lost.
- Two million RHN spacers are still dead.
- The war is still not won.

*By the way, there was a fourth, refusing battle against their SD(P)s armed with FTL fire control missiles and letting them thrash our infrastructure until even my Parliament would see the writing on the wall and asked for terms.


I hope you recognized the reference from George Orwell's 1984.


Hegemon, I really really enjoyed this, but admittedly I didn't catch the reference to George Orwell's 1984, though I recall doing a book report on it in Junior High, but that was many many eons ago. What was it?

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by kzt   » Sat Sep 01, 2018 7:37 pm

kzt
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Posts: 9582
Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2010 8:18 pm
Location: Albuquerque, NM

Hegamon’s posts have almost made up for other ridiculous number of pages of this thread.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Sep 01, 2018 9:24 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 10470
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:10 pm

kzt wrote:Hegamon’s posts have almost made up for other ridiculous number of pages of this thread.


I've heard it before from you "ba humbugs" about this thread and my humor. Then I get posts and PMs thanking me for laughs. There also exist the statistics of more than 40,000 insane views in one particular month. More than 10,000 views a week! The site crashed during that period. I can't say the unusual volume of activity was definitely the cause, but, well. . .

At any rate, who should I listen to? The more than a dozen people and the statistics or you? I think you should simply work on somehow getting that funny bone of yours snapped back into place.

If you hold your funny bone in front of you and run headlong into a wall, that just might do it. If it doesn't, do it in front of someone, and they'll get a laugh.

BTW, during those 40,000 views, how many of them were yours?

Another thing, where the hell are your contributions to this thread? Don't you have anything funny to contribute? I guess that's consistent with a dislocated funny bone.

I'm sorry for you. Life must really suck when you can't laugh or smile.

Although I must admit, in light of the thread's statistics, your post is the only ridiculous one I've read.


Month in question. And if you didn't laugh at any of these, you really need to go get checked. Because I laughed my ass off, and I'm the comedian. There were times I laughed so hard at many of them, that I had to wait a few hours before I could gather myself enough to post.

Dude, you really need to go get yourself checked. Stat!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Hegemon   » Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:13 pm

Hegemon
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 64
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:50 am

cthia wrote:Hegemon, I really really enjoyed this, but admittedly I didn't catch the reference to George Orwell's 1984, though I recall doing a book report on it in Junior High, but that was many many eons ago. What was it?


Well, the reference to George Orwell's 1984 was "we were always allies with Eastasia, ahem, I mean Manticore"

You see, in 1984 there are three rival totalitarian states that control the Earth: Oceania (to which narrator belongs to), Eurasia and Eastasia. Eurasia and Eastasia seem to be continuously at war with each other and Oceania periodically but constantly changes sides, being allied with Eastasia and at war with Eurasia, and then the reverse, then again allied with Eastasia and so on.

However, given that their state workers must practice 'doublethink' (I tend to think of it as something akin to auto-hypnosis) on the pain of torture and death, Oceania's Propaganda Ministry (fittingly named the Ministry of Truth) can persuade everybody but the heretic 'oldthinkers' that the current state of alliances was forever and Oceania's alliances never shifted.

Now, the parallel I was trying to draw was that President Pritchart should understand that for military reasons alone the Republic's relations with Manticore must shift from war to that of good neighbors, or, better still, allies. Once that goal was set, it would be advisable to start a pro-Manticore and pro-Alliance PR campaign now, rather than hoping your own citizens are mindless drones that would accept the sudden announcement of normal or friendly relations with the Alliance without battling an eyelid (and that, like in 1984, they would forget they fought two wars against the Alliance and were taught to hate Manticore).
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