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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed Aug 31, 2016 8:26 am

cthia
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Posts: 11274
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

cthia wrote:A treecat, hexapuma, peak bear and a gremlin became friends after the Yawata strike, vowing to avenge their fallen comrades should the two-legs ever reveal the face of the enemy. They vowed to live together in this unlikely band of heroes and had set up home deep in an uncharted Sphinx forest with plenty to hunt surrounded by beautiful acreages of wild celery patches.

Their friendship became deep and they often argued over who's the toughest.

"I'm the baddest mother-freakin' killer on the face o' the planet and ye all know it," said the hexapuma.

"Hrmmph, I'd have you for lunch and be pickin' ma teeth while starin' at Gremly over there," growled the peak bear.

"It's after midnite y'all, don't mess with Gremly after midnite," the Gremlin snarled."

Having said their peace they all turned to the unspoken treecat.

"Ok then," flattening his ears, "I'd kill all of you bitches for tearing up my celery patch! WHAT!"
Cthia wrote:Treecat: "Hey Hexy. You Pumas really are some tough SOBs. How do you train?"

Peak Bear, Gremlin: "Yea, how do you train?"

Hexapuma: "When a Puma turns adult, we dress him as a Marine, apply camouflage to his body and take him to a bar."

"Huh," answers the crowd.

Hexapuma: "Sooner or later this human called a Harkness always comes in. Seems waving dress blues in front of that SOB is worst than waving red in front of a bull. You may survive the horns. But you're sure to get trampled and stomped. That's a nasty mean fucking critter. Trained many a Puma. The ones that survived the encounter anyways."
cthia wrote:Revisiting this unlikely band of vigilantes...

"Oh no, I knew we shouldn't have gone off all half-cocked looking for the MAlign. Now we're surrounded by all of these mean looking genetically engineered creatures. What are we going to do now?" asked the Gremlin.

Somehow finding himself the leader of this outnumbered army of four, the treecat quickly found an answer. He turned to the healthy hexapuma and cut him fiercely with his claws. The peak bear, ever trusting the treecat, did the same, further injuring the strongest of their own ally.

Before the befuddled and panicked Gremlin could complain, behind his back there was a huge commotion and screaming. When the Gremlin turned around, the hexapuma had killed all of the Crazy 88.

"What happened?" asked the Gremlin.

"There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded hexapuma," said the treecat.

"Damn straight," said the peak bear recalling a similar experience.
cthia wrote:It is time to check in with our unlikely band of wanna-be heroes for an update.

< "Hey, we should so make some tough names for ourselves. You know, for effect," says the treecat. "I will call myself DIXON, because I am going to cut a demarcating line right down the middle of each Mesan encountered. Get it? Mesan & Dixon line?" >

"Well call me MERLIN," says the hexapuma. I'm gonna put a hex on 'em. Now you see 'em. Now you don't."

Peak Bear :roll: "What a bunch of Pussies! Since they like the sex trade so much. Call me TRIPLE X. I'm gonna just shove 'em deep down my throat!"
cthia wrote:It seems a new ally has joined this unlikely band of heroes. A female treecat - a dame, who has more than a little hero worship for the Protector's Champion. She has brought with her a self-forged sword of her own, "the Sword of Dame-O-Trees." She calls herself the People's Champion.

And just like the champion of whom she has patterned herself, after capturing Detweiler, DameOtrees shall ask just one question...

< My Lord, do you want this man gutted or rutted? >

TBC
cthia wrote:Visiting our war mongers during the Thanksgiving holiday finds them enjoying a nice meal of a large coordinated bison-like catch. Everyone is eating all prim and proper and minding their manners (there's a lady amongst them now) for the occasion. Except the hexapuma. He's digging right in, culture thrown right out the window. But it's the way he's crunching cartilage and all that earns him this look :o

"What?! Yes, we eat the bones and all okay?! They're delicious...

Haven't you animals ever heard of bone appétit?"

<Where's everyone going?!>

<You didn't hear? The Two Legs found some Mesans!>

<They did?! So what's the plan?!>

<We're going to join the fraternity!>

<What fraternity?>

<DeKap a Alpha New!>

<Huh?>

<Cut their fucking heads right off!>

.
Last edited by cthia on Tue Sep 27, 2016 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by pokermind   » Sat Sep 10, 2016 5:03 pm

pokermind
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 4002
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:58 am
Location: Jerome, Idaho, USA

Chief "Need a laugh? misfiring cannon at a tall ships event on Lake Erie deflates world's largest rubber Duck:"

Image

https://gooferie.com/2016/09/08/errant-cannon-fire-from-niagara-deflates-worlds-largest-rubber-duck/

LOL Poker.
CPO Poker Mind Image and, Mangy Fur the Smart Alick Spacecat.

"Better to be hung for a hexapuma than a housecat," Com. Pang Yau-pau, ART.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by Imaginos1892   » Sun Sep 11, 2016 11:08 am

Imaginos1892
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1251
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:24 pm
Location: San Diego, California, USA

SharkHunter wrote:Okay fine, since someone got banished to reading all 26 Xanth books, and I haven't posted here yet.

Actually, there are 39 books in the Xanth Trilogy, with two more announced.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by wkernochan   » Sun Sep 11, 2016 2:10 pm

wkernochan
Lieutenant (Junior Grade)

Posts: 44
Joined: Mon May 18, 2015 12:47 pm

* sigh *

How many treecats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: Just one. Do not try this, however, as the price for doing so is the equivalent of a year's wages in celery.

How many People's Commissioners of Haven does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: Never ask a People's Commissioner to screw in a lightbulb. As far as he/she is concerned, the proper response is to screw you into the socket, and the People's Commissioner will not stop until you are well and totally screwed.

How many Beowulfians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

As far as they're concerned, the more the merrier; it's just that Beowulfians are too big to fit into lightbulbs, much less screw in them.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:08 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11274
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

About those captured SLN ships. Can't the RMN sue for reckless abandonment of infant technology?

Or at least littering? LOL



****** *


"Nimitz! Why are you kicking that computer?!"

<I'm told this is a BSOD and I'm instructed to boot it>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by RedBaron   » Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:57 pm

RedBaron

cthia wrote:
cthia wrote:A treecat, hexapuma, peak bear and a gremlin became friends after the Yawata strike, vowing to avenge their fallen comrades should the two-legs ever reveal the face of the enemy. They vowed to live together in this unlikely band of heroes and had set up home deep in an uncharted Sphinx forest with plenty to hunt surrounded by beautiful acreages of wild celery patches.

Their friendship became deep and they often argued over who's the toughest.

"I'm the baddest mother-freakin' killer on the face o' the planet and ye all know it," said the hexapuma.

"Hrmmph, I'd have you for lunch and be pickin' ma teeth while starin' at Gremly over there," growled the peak bear.

"It's after midnite y'all, don't mess with Gremly after midnite," the Gremlin snarled."

Having said their peace they all turned to the unspoken treecat.

"Ok then," flattening his ears, "I'd kill all of you bitches for tearing up my celery patch! WHAT!"


Cthia wrote:Treecat: "Hey Hexy. You Pumas really are some tough SOBs. How do you train?"

Peak Bear, Gremlin: "Yea, how do you train?"

Hexapuma: "When a Puma turns adult, we dress him as a Marine, apply camouflage to his body and take him to a bar."

"Huh," answers the crowd.

Hexapuma: "Sooner or later this human called a Harkness always comes in. Seems waving dress blues in front of that SOB is worst than waving red in front of a bull. You may survive the horns. But you're sure to get trampled and stomped. That's a nasty mean fucking critter. Trained many a Puma. The ones that survived the encounter anyways."


:lol: :lol: :lol: Can't breathe! Need oxygen!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by RedBaron   » Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:05 pm

RedBaron

Imaginos1892 wrote:
SharkHunter wrote:Okay fine, since someone got banished to reading all 26 Xanth books, and I haven't posted here yet.

Actually, there are 39 books in the Xanth Trilogy, with two more announced.


OMG, can you imagine a Xanth/Honorverse crossover?

Treecats throwing pineapples!
The Gap dragon leading a charge somewhere on Mesa!
Dor causing Honor's sword to spout punny catchphrases!
Humphrey getting adopted!

ROFL!
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Sep 26, 2016 1:26 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11274
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

cthia wrote:
cthia wrote:A treecat, hexapuma, peak bear and a gremlin became friends after the Yawata strike, vowing to avenge their fallen comrades should the two-legs ever reveal the face of the enemy. They vowed to live together in this unlikely band of heroes and had set up home deep in an uncharted Sphinx forest with plenty to hunt surrounded by beautiful acreages of wild celery patches.

Their friendship became deep and they often argued over who's the toughest.

"I'm the baddest mother-freakin' killer on the face o' the planet and ye all know it," said the hexapuma.

"Hrmmph, I'd have you for lunch and be pickin' ma teeth while starin' at Gremly over there," growled the peak bear.

"It's after midnite y'all, don't mess with Gremly after midnite," the Gremlin snarled."

Having said their peace they all turned to the unspoken treecat.

"Ok then," flattening his ears, "I'd kill all of you bitches for tearing up my celery patch! WHAT!"


Cthia wrote:Treecat: "Hey Hexy. You Pumas really are some tough SOBs. How do you train?"

Peak Bear, Gremlin: "Yea, how do you train?"

Hexapuma: "When a Puma turns adult, we dress him as a Marine, apply camouflage to his body and take him to a bar."

"Huh," answers the crowd.

Hexapuma: "Sooner or later this human called a Harkness always comes in. Seems waving dress blues in front of that SOB is worst than waving red in front of a bull. You may survive the horns. But you're sure to get trampled and stomped. That's a nasty mean fucking critter. Trained many a Puma. The ones that survived the encounter anyways."


RedBaron wrote: :lol: :lol: :lol: Can't breathe! Need oxygen!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:


I was LMAO conceiving it. And all over again now that you've brought it back up. Can you imagine the tears I shed composing that?

Thanks for revisiting it for me. Good to see a socketed funny bone instead of the dislocated ones.

By the way, I love your screen name. It is cool and prompted me to rewatch the documentary and movie...

https://youtu.be/8riAaPEcwIw
https://youtu.be/fbJPFciBPYo

And do we remember Snoopy and his encounters with?
https://youtu.be/8xN-bgcjp0g

I'm gonna get you Red Baron!

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by RedBaron   » Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:09 am

RedBaron

cthia wrote:
I was LMAO conceiving it. And all over again now that you've brought it back up. Can you imagine the tears I shed composing that?

Thanks for revisiting it for me. Good to see a socketed funny bone instead of the dislocated ones.

By the way, I love your screen name. It is cool and prompted me to rewatch the documentary and movie...

https://youtu.be/8riAaPEcwIw
https://youtu.be/fbJPFciBPYo

And do we remember Snoopy and his encounters with?
https://youtu.be/8xN-bgcjp0g

I'm gonna get you Red Baron!


This is why I chose that name.
http://pre01.deviantart.net/a398/th/pre/i/2016/270/f/d/red_baron_2016_07_04_by_gynsu-daj5cmv.jpg

I was hoping to have decals of the World War 1 German military symbol made for it by now, but the tires, belt, and labor cost more than I expected, so now it will have to wait until next spring.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Sep 27, 2016 12:51 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11274
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Meanwhile, in the War Room


Pat Givens: "Nimitz, what is that simulation you're running on the computer?"

Nimitz: <Hi Pat. I'm gaming out how many Mesans I can safely kill without personal injury if I attack first.

This attack pattern yields a total of 21 every time. I think I will name it "21 Hack Jack". Now I have a canned response>

Pat Givens: :o

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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