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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Mar 07, 2019 5:53 pm

cthia
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Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Harrington's Memoirs

"Honor, why didn't you speak up about the rape?"

"If I had, Young would have been court martialed and the Navy would have taken care of him. I knew that if I allowed him to slip through the cracks and keep feeding him rope, I'd get to take care of him. It's the grandest strategy I've ever had."


Nimitz' Memoirs

"Nimitz, what is the hardest thing you've ever done?"

<Keeping my composure after Honor killed Pavel Young. She was laughing so hard inside it was all I could do not to join her. Two-leg laughter is contagious>

"Would you have killed Burdette if he'd won?"
<No, his injuries would have killed him>

"Would you have killed Young if he'd succeeded in raping Honor?"

<It's the only time Honor would have beaten me to the mark>


Elizabeth III Memoirs

"Beth, you must have a hell of a taxidermist, considering your legendary temper and habit of having your grudges stuffed and mounted on the wall."

"When my father was grooming me, he said a Queen must have a good tailor to hide the bulges, a good hairdresser to hide the bad hair day and a good taxidermist to hide the object of one's ire."


Mike's Memoirs

"You have to understand, Honor didn't exactly see eye to eye with the Graysons then. The last communiqué I received from her stated that she had to put on a show for the Queen at a State Dinner. I told her to break a leg. Then I received an HD showing of her on the Maccabeus Coup. Clearly the next time I tell her to break a leg, I'll be more explicit."


Hamish's Memoirs

"There's a rumor circulating about that you are making excuses for Janacek's actions."

"I'd like to set the record straight. I merely stated that he might've sustained too many cranial injuries on the gridiron."

"What is your personal opinion of your wife's strategy and tactics?"

"Showing her opponent exactly what they wish to see works flawlessly. Seduces me every time."


Sonja's Memoirs

"Why do you dislike being called Admiral Low Delhi?"

"Honor has a reputation of eating her enemies alive. Low Delhi sounds too much like a sandwich shop."


Shannon's Memoirs

"Why were you called a tac witch?"

"Our tac systems weren't as advanced as the Manties'. I had a reputation of being able to blow up data onscreen. I've always been fond of blowing things up."


Usher's Memoirs

"Kevin, did you really have a drinking problem?"

"Of course I did. How else could I convince anyone that I drank the dead bodies they found under the table?"


Samantha's Memoirs

<Just when Nimitz had convinced me of the joys of "phone sex" he has to go and get himself disconnected>


Treecat Elder's Memoirs

<The two-legs are up against mind control. It stinks worse than a rotten Cat>


Iris Babcock's Memoirs

"I can attest to her kinesthesia. When we were sparring, she always knew when she landed on her ass. She was correct, every single time."


Mistress Thorn's Memoirs

"Exactly how much does Honor eat?"

"When she was a POW in enemy space, we feared she'd starve. Now that she's home, we fear she'll starve."

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Last edited by cthia on Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:02 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Cachat's Memoirs

"Everyone who knows me is afraid. The only friends I come by are strangers I meet as a spy."

"Some people bring out the worst in me. I don't know why they do that."


Thandi's Memoirs

"Although penises are loaded weapons, Victor is one of the few men I've met with balls to accompany his. Most men are simply shooting blanks."


Eloise's Memoirs

"Beth is a force to reckon with even outside the Palace, but staring at the trophies mounted on her wall sobers you."

"One day I'm going to remember to thank Tom for this job, I don't think he's going to appreciate my brand of gratitude."

Mac's Memoirs

"One simply cannot think on an empty stomach. I never worried when she went into battle."

"One of my tricks when she was going into battle was to message her on her private screen that I'm preparing one of her favorites. Honor doesn't miss a meal for anyone."

"She was battling lots of demons. Anyone coming to the party battled those demons too, plus one."

Justin's Memoirs

"I knew when I met her she'd be a force to reckon with. I reckon I was correct."

Horace's Memoirs

"Why did you pick fights with Marines?"

"When I realized I liked playing with pussies, I got married."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sat Mar 30, 2019 8:49 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Hauptman's Memoirs

"You're saying you believe in corporal punishment, Mr. Hauptman?"

"I do. The first time I received corporal punishment I wasn't even a Corporal. I'd gone down to Basilisk to browbeat Harrington. She put me across her knee and beat me like I stole something. I kept telling her I didn't embezzle anything, but that didn't stop her from whacking my ass anyway."


ESN's Memoirs

"You don't understand, we were in Hell for so long. After a while, God is your only hope. We prayed he'd send us a hero. When we first saw her she was an anorexic woman who seemed to be falling apart — an arm here, an eye there, and a god-awful ugly Cat. We all cussed God, 'Is this all you've got, what can a broken down starving woman with nary a single fucking warship do for us?"

"Somehow she knew what was on our minds. She concocted this plan straight out of an HD movie, essentially lying on a mechanic's creeper sliding in a building shooting skeet."


"I took a real vacation soon as I got out of Hell. I told that story on the far fringes of space. They looked at me like I was fishing for whales . . . 'I suppose you're gonna tell us she had one arm tied behind her back?' How do you tell them the truth and expect them to believe you?"


Admiralty's Memoirs

"We yo-yoed Young's ass so much his string finally broke."


"We had lots of jokes about her. One day we were staring down into the holotank when it hit us . . . You don't want to allow Honor to let you get her right where she wants you. So we gave her Home Fleet. 'It is time, grasshopper.' "

"Grasshopper?"

"There is an Old Earth saying, 'YOUR ASS IS GRASS AND I'M THE LAWNMOWER!' The Salamander is a grasshopper riding a John, Deere."


BuPer's Memoirs

"How does one go about issuing a manifesto to get busy making babies so I can send them off to die? Especially when everyone feels like prolong gives them plenty of time. The only sex going on in the galaxy at the time was prolong screwing me right in the ass."


Komandorski's Memoirs

"Why did you turn, on the other slaves?"

"They say that a man who's been in captivity all of his life will give his left nut for freedom. A woman will give all the nuts around her."


Stephania Grimm's Memoirs

"Stephie, I don't recall you being so religious."

"Neither do I."

"When did the big change occur?"

"One day I made a special wish before blowing out the candles. It all just came to me, I'd been so busy since graduation that my life was all a blur -- one mundane birthday after another. I closed my eyes and wished God would make this birthday one I'll never forget. Before I tasted my cake he sent me the BoM and every fucking ship in the galaxy ass to end. I don't question him any more. I don't wish to see an encore."


Alison's Memoirs

"We never gave Honor coffee. Coffee keeps you awake. The longer she's awake the more she eats."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu Apr 18, 2019 7:22 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Samantha and Nimitz' Memoirs

"Has Hamish ever lied to Honor?"

<She'd just gotten out of the shower once, and he'd just promised never to refer to her as 'The Salamander' like those awful newsies do. She dropped her silk kimono as a reward>

<'HOOOO-LY SA-LA-MANDER!' was the end of a very short promise. Nimitz says she has enemies who've held out longer>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Wed May 01, 2019 7:18 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Samantha's Memoirs

<Memory Singers often communicate with other Memory Singers with what two-legs may choose to call a different dialect. For example <Hey girl, since we have weapons now, we can shoot someone in the ass instead of messing up our freshly painted nails>>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun May 05, 2019 9:23 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Andrea Jaruwalski's Memoirs

"The Mandarins made a huge order for some karma of their own, and Honor was threatening a balloon payment."

"She needed a dish served to her that satisfied her need for revenge. She's part Oriental, so she ordered Mandarin. To go."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Thu May 09, 2019 6:49 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Rafe Cordone's Memoirs

"She simply. . .stopped communicating with us. Perhaps she was using her mind voice, because we certainly understood her even in her silence . . ."

"'Honor, they can't hurt us."

<<And?>>

"Honor, they've struck their wedges!"

<<Aaaand?>>

"The entire bridge became empathic. Everyone felt the same way. 'If somebody doesn't start speaking treecat very soon, this thing's going to become cataclysmic'"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jun 10, 2019 12:38 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Indiana Graham's Memoirs

"I fell in love with Abigail Hearns and I was teased relentlessly. A Christian's body is a sacred temple, they'd say. 'Indiana Graham and the Temple of Doom.'"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by TFLYTSNBN   » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:45 pm

TFLYTSNBN
Rear Admiral

Posts: 1247
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:58 am

cthia wrote:Samantha and Nimitz' Memoirs

"Has Hamish ever lied to Honor?"

<She'd just gotten out of the shower once, and he'd just promised never to refer to her as 'The Salamander' like those awful newsies do. She dropped her silk kimono as a reward>

<'HOOOO-LY SA-LA-MANDER!' was the end of a very short promise. Nimitz says she has enemies who've held out longer>



Finally!

Another shower scene.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Tue Jun 11, 2019 7:27 pm

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 11273
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Pavel Young's Memoirs

"Salamanders sure are slippery when they're wet."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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