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Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

Join us in talking discussing all things Honor, including (but not limited to) tactics, favorite characters, and book discussions.
Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:11 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Mark Sarnow's Memoirs

"I didn't know you were gay, Admiral."

"Don't knock it til you try it Honor. You ever kissed a girl?"

"No."

"Has a girl ever tried to kiss you?"

"Yes, but I beat his ass."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Sun Jan 19, 2020 3:10 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Caparelli's Memoirs

After the Battle of Solon.

"Seizing the initiative is about keeping Foraker out of her fucking garage!"

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jan 20, 2020 4:04 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Memory Singers' Funniest Memoir

<I'm greedy guts? Before I met you, the People had never seen a creature eat more than a hexapuma. First night at your dinner table I thought you were going to unhinge your jaws and swallow us all. That'll teach a hexapuma not to attack a hungry Harrington carrying an electric steak knife>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by TFLYTSNBN   » Mon Jan 20, 2020 10:41 am

TFLYTSNBN
Admiral

Posts: 2307
Joined: Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:58 am

cthia wrote:Mark Sarnow's Memoirs

"I didn't know you were gay, Admiral."

"Don't knock it til you try it Honor. You ever kissed a girl?"

"No."

"Has a girl ever tried to kiss you?"

"Yes, but I beat his ass."



Reminds me of a scene in WE FEW.
The female Mardukan (Pedi?) is going in to extract the hostages. Her eight foot tall, mucus coated, amphibian body is all dolled up with her toe nails and fingernails of all four arms painted in bright colors. When the guards confront her, she propositions them. Their negative response was " Don't knock it till you try it."
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by locarno24   » Thu Jan 23, 2020 9:11 am

locarno24
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:26 am

Some recorded conversations:



In Silesia
Knock Knock
"Who's there?"
"Robin."
"Robin who?"
"Robin you. Now cut your drive."

In the Andermani Empire
Knock...
"Hello."
...."How come you opened the door before the second knocK?"
"We're IAN intelligence. You think we didn't know you were coming?"

In Basilisk
Knock Knock Knock
"Who's there?"
"A Medusan."

Between two ships on the edge of comms range

Knock Knock
"Who's there?"










"Light-speed communications lag"
"Light-speed communications lag who?"










"We're going to have to wait a few hours if this routine is going to work."
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Fri Jan 24, 2020 7:59 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

@locarno24. Thanks for the laughs! I should have been wearing a bib, since I spit up my orange juice.



Hamish's Memoirs

Sometime after BoM.

"Hamish, I just want to offer my condolences, I'm really sorry about what happened to Kuzak."

Nimitz and Samantha bound into the room.

<What's got you so happy Honor? Your mindglow suddenly spiked>

<She's happier than a sloppy pig>

"That's not how the idiom goes Samantha."

"Don't change the subject Honor!"

<She's dancing on clouds Hamish>

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:51 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

Caparelli's Memoirs

"You're certainly putting an awful lot of stock in this new kid, Harrington, Courvosier. But I hear she has problems with math."

"She may or may not have a problem coming up with the answers, Tom. But she sure as hell doesn't have a problem with the questions. As far as the math goes, she can simply make sure her astrogator is Asian."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by locarno24   » Mon Jan 27, 2020 8:45 am

locarno24
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:26 am

The Admiral growled at the young commander: "I didn’t see your light cruiser at the stealth manoeuvring exercise this morning."
"Thank you very much, sir."



ACCIDENT REPORT. A [REDFORCE] vessel and a [BLUEFORCE] vessel have collided during high-speed exercise manoeuvres in Unicorn Belt. Survivors marooned.


Sagnami Tactics 101:

Anything worth shooting at is worth shooting at twice. Countermissiles are cheap, misses are expensive.

Disciplined fleet formation is important. It gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

Don't worry about the missile with your name on it, worry about the broadside marked "to whom it may concern".

If you can see the enemy, assume they can see you.

Try not to be conspicuous. That draws fire, which irritates everyone around you.

FTL sensors just give you more time to panic.

Always have a plan.
Always have a backup plan because the first plan won't work.
The backup plan sucks. The backup plan always sucks because if it didn't it would just have been 'the plan'.


If you are trying to tell the attack birds from the decoys, the one missile your point defence lasers marked as 'low priority' is the contact nuke.
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by cthia   » Mon Jan 27, 2020 9:20 am

cthia
Fleet Admiral

Posts: 12814
Joined: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:10 pm

LOLs @ locarno24.


Caparelli's Memoirs

"What do I think about Pavel Young? Remember the old idiom 'Shit or get off the pot?' You can always count on Young to do both."

Son, your mother says I have to hang you. Personally I don't think this is a capital offense. But if I don't hang you, she's gonna hang me and frankly, I'm not the one in trouble. —cthia's father. Incident in ? Axiom of Common Sense
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Re: Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.
Post by locarno24   » Tue Jan 28, 2020 5:08 am

locarno24
Lieutenant (Senior Grade)

Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:26 am

Sagnami Engineering 101

Hitting it repeatedly with a spanner may or may not make the problem go away but it won't half make you feel better.

You can have spare components: "Now", "In Enough Quantities", or "In Good Condition". Pick one. Two if you've got a flag officer signing the requisition.

If a connection or fitting can possibly be done incorrectly, someone will do it that way.

Nothing is idiot-proof to a sufficiently determined idiot.

If in doubt, blame the software. If a software engineer, blame the molycircs.

Always remember that your ship's fusion reactor is a continuous nuclear explosion designed by a government bureau and built by the lowest bidder.
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