Honorverse Humor or lack thereof.

How do you hail a slave ship?

Ship Ahoe! Ship Ahoe!



****** *


The Galaxy's dumbest slavers


"I can't believe Honor let those slavers go. Every single one of them are on her shit list! I never thought she'd mellow out this much."

"She didn't."

"What do you mean? She promised them a life pod!

"Yes she did. But we're in hyper. Dumb asses. It's the closest their grey matter will ever get to the Alpha band."

Indiana's best friend

"Hey Indy, I hear you're finally dating that hot Grayson number?"

"Yes as a matter of fact I am."

"You dirty dog. There must be a lot of late night sleepwalking."

"Not really. I can't sneak into her boudoir with fifteen Armsmen always around. They give a new meaning to 'sleeping on the job.'"

"There aren't fifteen Armsmen."

"How can you tell? You can never get close enough to count them."

...


"The two of you are practicing safe sex aren't you?"

"I leave that up to her."

" Leave it up to her!? You can't leave something that important all up to her!"

"Wanna bet! Those henchmen search me every night! I rather they find a pulser than a box of condoms!"

" Probably not! Wait ... box? You dirty dog! "

The Alpha Launch

"So this Grand Alliance is fond of Alpha launches. It is time to activate the nanites to push their Dead Man's Switch and waste all of those system pods on thin air. Filareta didn't teach them anything about a real "Alpha launch."

"Colin likes to call it an Alpha lunch. But today it is just a snack."

****** *

Honorverse Cereal Commercial

"Look kids, this man is from San Martin. He ate all of his Wheaties, vegetables, and every damn thing else that was put on his plate."

" "

What is the best laxative for an Alpha?

Put a gun to his head and say, "You will die if you talk and you will die if you don't. What do you do?"

O... shit! That's disgusting!

****** *

Albrecht Detweiler died trying to reproduce Harry Houdini's escape under water.

****** *

Long range communication

"Why won't they respond to our hails mam?"

"They can't afford to have us ask them any questions."

cthia wrote:[b]What is the best laxative for an Alpha?[

"Why won't they respond to our hails mam?"

"They can't afford to have us ask them any questions."

Probably even thinking about answering is going to kill too many people on an Alignment SN ship.

I think we are deep in Catch-22 here.

Brigade XO wrote:

cthia wrote:"Why won't they respond to our hails mam?"

"They can't afford to have us ask them any questions."

Probably even thinking about answering is going to kill too many people on an Alignment SN ship.

I think we are deep in Catch-22 here.

Yep, maintaining radio silence means something totally different for the MAN.

"Don't you dare answer that phucking phone!"

Welcome back to the forum lyonheart. I previously missed a detail in our last exchange. Your line would have broken the rhythm and meter that was used by Thayer in the original poem. He used iambic heptameter throughout.

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day.

lyonheart wrote:Hi,

Sorry I missed this earlier, but I haven't kept track of things at the forums for quite a while.

Kudos for the amusing distraction in these times , and being so well composed, I hope it didn't take too much time but shouldn't the last line be "But Honor, Mighty Honor had struck them out?"

Keep smiling,

lyonheart

cthia wrote:As far as the last line, I think it is correct. Seeing as though the whole thing is a parody of "Casey at the Bat."

I tried to remain true to the original as much as possible, which reads . . .

But there is no joy in Mudville—mighty Casey has struck out.

As sort of a pep talk for the world during these trying times. A repost and slight edit . . .


************Honor at the Bat*************
by cthia

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Home Fleet ships that day;
The score stood four to two, with two more fleets to play;
And then when D'Orville died up first and Kuzak did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the ships that had remained.
A straggling few rose up to fight but only in despair,
They knew they'd only die, in haughty grandeur there.
Clinging to their stations, hope eternal in the breast;
All we need is Sally—Mander she's our best.
They thought, if only Honor could get but a whack at that,
They'd put up even credits, now, with Honor at the bat.
But Chin preceded Honor in shaping what's at stake,
When Smirnoff's LACs chimed in, holy hell had lit the cake.
Upon that stricken list of ships melancholy sat,
There seemed but little chance of Honor getting to the bat.
But McKeon let rip a single, raised hell in Genevieve's packs
And Alice Truman's Katanas tore the hell outta Haven's LACs.
When debris had shifted, CIC plotted what had occurred
Although plenty was left of Second, just enough was left of Third.
Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled in the quadrant, it echoed 'Oh? Do tell.'
A prayer went thru the junction and an answer came at that,
For Honor—mighty Honor, was advancing to the bat.
There was ease in Honor's manner as she hypered into place;
There was purpose to Honor's bearing, and scorn on Honor's face.
And when she ignored the remnants, of Third Fleet in the realm,
No single spacer could ever doubt, 'twas Honor at the helm.
Thousands counted on her as she wiped her hands like dirt
Had settled between her fingers, but the brass gleamed on her shirt.
While the cocky Genevieve placed hands upon her hips
Defiance gleamed in Honor's eye, a sneer curled Honor's lips.
The enormous salvo shot from the massive pods she'd rolled;
Genevieve said, "No worry, they're too far out I'm told."
But then Chin contemplated 'of all the lunacy in the land,
If Third Fleet was just destroyed, then who was this at hand?'
Close by sturdy Apollo, the missiles unheeded sped –
"They're much too far to reach," said Chin, "Strike One," Honor said.
From the bridges, black with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of the bulk-heads on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill her! Kill her Honor!" Shouted someone in the stand.
And it's likely they'd a-killed him had not Honor raised her hand.
With a smile of Tester's author'ty Honor's visage shown;
She stilled the rising tumult; She bade her ship go on.
When comprehension dawned on Chin she threw a mortal fit,
"Eighth Fleet! The Salamander! Hyper Out!" she said, "Oh shit!"
The Salamander didn't linger—turned to tactical and said
"Target that other fleet, fire sixty missiles instead.
By the time they reach them, Strike Two, Fifth will all be dead."
The sneer is gone from Honor's lips as she pounded Fifth to its fate
There's calm and cool on Manticore, no more fighting as of late.
And Tourville's confidence is shaken as Honor lets it go;
His hopes of winning another gone, from the force of Honor's blow.
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
Haven came to play with gall—mighty Honor struck them out.

Upon arrogantly hypering into the Darius System, there seemed to be a unified chorus echoing on the bridges of the GA ships.

...


"Great Ceasar's Ghosts!"

More Victor Jokes


Cachat fell in love with a sizeable Nubian woman. He really is Black Victor.

No wonder he was so good at Black Ops. He liked disappearing down a black hole.

The biggest argument Victor and Thandi ever had was when she found out what he was up to on Mesa. "No Victor! You are NOT going to get a carbon copy of me!"

But he always liked makeup sex. He was fond of saying 'The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice er truce.'

Hugh Arai asked Cachat. "Is it true what they say 'Once you go black you never go back?'"

"Trust me, when you are involved with a woman like Thandi, escape isn't an option."

Only Cachat can name-drop Oscar Saint-Just into a conversation.